The time of someone else's life (1)
Jul. 12th, 2005 09:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
netpositive- My best girl friend from college is dead.
I remember us laughing at the X-rated movie nights
run then by UMBC Student Government, because in
those days the Maryland Censor Board was still in
operation and their idea of X-rated would barely
raise an eyebrow at 8 PM today, much less midnight.
I remember the night I held her while she cried
her heart out, because the jerk who was using her,
had dumped her. [And how horrible I felt because
I'd predicted it would happen, almost to the exact
hour.] How angry I was that she went back with him
later on and let him take advantage of her some more.
I never hid my feelings about _him_ if she asked, but
if it made her happy, then I tried to support _her_.
I remember her: flirting, smoking, playing bridge,
wearing skirts, and managing (most) other people well.
I tried to tell her many things. I know I didn't always
make sense to her (and I didn't always make sense to me,
especially back in those days) but again, she was loyal.
I was there when they broke up again, for good, and I
tried to let her know how worthwhile she was in herself.
I was maid of honor at her first wedding, to someone
I'd once lived with for 4 years, and still cared for.
I was so glad they had "found" each other at last.
I thought they would be good together... and for a
time, I think they were. But we all have our flaws,
and under too much pressure lives may change shape.
Sometimes they turn into something new and better.
But sometimes they just turn, like curdling milk.
We lost touch after the divorce. Different people,
different lives - so often we'd had little in common
but memories, and loyalty. I worried that I would
remind her too much of a past she finally needed to
cut herself free from. I felt I had nothing more I
could give her - nothing I hadn't already given her
when we were different people, in different lives.
Apparently, she had just recently remarried. :(
Oh Sandy, I'm sorry this had to happen to you now.
You were such a smart and talented woman. I always
felt you deserved more and better out of life than
sometimes you got.
Including, maybe, your best friend from college.
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Date: 2005-07-12 05:19 pm (UTC)Chris
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Date: 2005-07-14 05:38 pm (UTC)1 [sorry, I've never actually seen your name spelled out!]
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Date: 2005-07-12 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-07-14 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-15 01:30 am (UTC)We always try to help and encourage, but sometimes there is no touching what is down deep. It is entirely up to the individual to be reached, encouraged and held. I don't know what the answer is to helping others find that fullness and completion in themselves and it is difficult at times to remember it in myself. The only thing I do know is that one should always keep reaching, trying, loving and never become jaded and cynical. Somehow, I think somewhere in that lies the answer, perhaps. Fear is the "devil". Fear is darkness and death.
I know this may sound off the wall to you, but if I've said the right thing, it should not sound so strange.
Laura
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Date: 2005-07-13 02:33 am (UTC)I remember what this is like. Only I was about 15 then. We were only part way into our second year of high school. Losing Audrey to cancer haunted me and changed me for many years. I still think of her every Novemeber. I still wish I'd taken the time to do all the things I never did and say what I never said.
I know it will be a while before this goes away. Don't try to ignore it or deny it. Hold it close. Remember her. Eventually, the remembering will get easier. The questions fewer. The regrets quieter.
Until then, hold and feel the shape of regret and grief. We don't make nearly as much time for it as we should in our society.
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Date: 2005-07-14 05:26 pm (UTC)Oh shit...
Date: 2005-07-13 05:55 am (UTC)No way. This cannot be.
Shit. Assorted other profanity.
Do you mind if I point Lea Purvis and C'ton at this post? I think they'd both want to know, and I don't know if they do.
Do you have any information about memorial services or suchlike?
Ouch.
Date: 2005-07-13 12:27 pm (UTC)Yes, please let Lea know if you are in touch with her. I know C'ton has me on his friends list, but I don't know how often he reads LJ.
No info on any memorial service at present. Will pass it along as Frank finds out.
Re: Ouch.
Date: 2005-07-14 03:37 am (UTC)----your eponymous friend
Just to make sure you get this info
Date: 2005-07-14 03:52 pm (UTC)All I know yet:
Where: Beall Funeral Home, 6512 Crain Hwy, Bowie, MD 20715
When and what:
Viewing Thurs (7/14/05) 2-4p and 7-9p
Funeral Fri. [don't know when or if it's family-only, will ask]
Frank and I will be going to the evening viewing.
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Date: 2005-07-14 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-14 05:07 pm (UTC)