netpositive: (bloodylane)
Miles looked up at his father. "Did... I do
the right thing, sir? Last night?"

"Yes," said the count simply. "A right thing.
Perhaps not the best of all possible right things.
Three days from now you may think of a clever tactic,
but you were my man on the ground at the time. I try
not to second-guess my field commanders."

Miles' heart rose in his aching chest for the
first time since he'd left Kyril Island.

Miles and Aral Vorkosigan, _The Vor Game_
    I've reached out to other people.
    Now I need to reach myself.

    If I've seen or talked to you recently,
    know that I cared enough to do that,
    and that you do matter to me. But
    there needs to be a right me
    for you to matter to.

    I said something I needed to you,
    and the world did not end.
    Thank you for listening.
    Thank you for touching me.
Take a moment to remember WHY creating something
fills your soul or spirit.

-Marianne Mullen

    The entire point of dreams filled with trivia is:
    Hey! Your dreams are filled with trivia.
    Either wake up, or get new dreams.
It's not the writing part that's hard.
It's sitting down to write.

Stephen Pressfield, _The War of Art_
netpositive: (Default)
Stress is what you feel when you have
to handle more than you are used to.

    I did not dream last night.

    Ssy, have you seen me recently?
    I'm not exactly lost,
    but I don't feel very found.

    I want to sleep long enough to dream.

    I'd like to be present in the moment.

    I need to get by.

    Right now.


    Walk away.

Your goal should never be to avoid mistakes at all costs
and seek control. Your goal should be to strengthen your
perseverance by effectively dealing with the situation
when things go awry.

-a random article on Perseverance
netpositive: (bloodylane)
Have you heard of "conjugating adjectives" in English?

I'm thrifty; you're frugal; he's cheap.
I'm assertive; you're aggressive; she's pushy.

This postholder is possibly about declining nouns.

One person's rescue is another person's escape.
Someone's dream job may be someone else's nightmare.

Sometimes, you do the right thing -- and it doesn't work.
From a particular reference point, looking up may only mean
straight ahead, but it's still a change in point of view.

Trying to reframe this... but it's not easy.

Don't take it personally. Try giving it away instead.

Just another poor boy off to fight a rich man's war

I dreamed last night. Then I woke up and remembered it.

Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a pattern you can walk.
But first you have to find your feet. Then you have to move.
netpositive: (Default)
    I dreamed last night that I felt fine,
    but that some doctor was convinced I needed
    an immediate operation to remove something

    But I could never get an answer from him, or
    any of the hospital staff what, exactly, was
    the problem.

    Despite going back into the dream -- twice! --
    to try and get an answer from them. Or anyone.

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a left turn at Albuquerque.

    Still, I think maybe I know what it means.

    The answers lie in me and no one else.

    More later, I think. Cleaning, sorting, changing
    and throwing out are all short-term items on the
    long-term plan.
netpositive: (frenchy)
The Affirmation section is where you'll learn to
change the words you use inside, in order to gain
more confidence and admiration on the outside!
    Seems like I'm most impressive at a (safe) distance.

    The farther away you are, the more interesting I am.

    Maybe I should move very far away from anyone else.

I am a valuable human being.

An opportunity is simply a possibility until I act on it.
netpositive: (Default)
Focus, Castle. It's a crime scene.
-Kate Beckett
    ... a secret out, a secret in.

    Break in, break out,
    but not break up,
    not break down.

    The brakes are off.
    The drive is on.

    Not broken, just the breaks.

    A secret out, a secret in...
Could we please focus, people... focus.
-Nathan Ford
netpositive: (firehand)
Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.
-Swedish proverb
    Statement 1: I am comfortable in myself and I value my friends.
    Statement 2: I value my friends and I am comfortable in myself.
    Do you feel any difference?
    Do you feel any different?
    Do you believe any differently?

    I believe there's a difference between a
    pain in the heart and a pain in the neck.

    I believe there's a difference between
    education and a lecture.

    I believe there's a difference between
    honey and vinegar.

    If you don't understand me or
    think I should be different,
    you don't understand me and
    you're right, I am different.

    And you know, if you think me childish, then
    hey, I think I'll run along and play now.
In the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter, and
sharing of pleasures.

-Kahlil Gibran
netpositive: (firehand)
... circumstances indicate that the path
to your destination twists and turns in a
bewildering way. Your insight, however,
can penetrate and make sense of confusion.

-definition, juxtaposition from
    Go to the bathroom first.
    Then drink deep from your mystical cup.
    Pry your ghost loose from its shell,
    and find a right space for your words.

    Point out the middle path, and
    reconcile the polarities. Bring
    creativity and flexibility to
    the way you go about your way
    in the world. Move slowly and
    deliberately if change is required.

    Don't be too proud to ask for someone's
    help. Sometimes you do get it.

    What kinds of negative messages,
    self-doubt or paranoid fantasies
    descend upon you from time to time?
    Don't let them undermine your ability
    to be who you are and to contribute.
    Examine them and give them each a name,
    and identify them as separate from you
    (imagining them as little demons can help).
    This will increase your dominion over them.

    Turn the page. Write the next line.
    Take my foot off the brake already!

    A path is traversed one step at a time.
    A navigator can help you find the way.
    Is it a lantern, or only an hourglass?

    Simon says: take a baby step, baby.
Why must we dream in metaphors?
Try to hold on to something we couldn't understand.

netpositive: (sato)
Irrational idea for today:
Get angry at yourself for all those things not done,
and just give up. Why bother? Who cares, really?

    Write down the facts.

    Down time. Dead time. Resentment. Resistance.
    Have not been as productive at work recently.
    Didn't write words three of the last five days.
    Forgot to use two coupons to save on books.
    Have done zero shopping for the holidays yet,
    and have no idea what to get anyone, either.
    Spent a week waiting on someone to call me back
    about something important, albeit not urgent.
    Skipped possible dancing opportunities twice.
    Can't focus on anything to look forward to.
    Connected with the divine all Wednesday night --
    but connected with nothing since then.

    Write down your subjective self-talk.

    "You'll never accomplish what you want to.
    You're going nowhere right now and that will
    never ever change. Everything before this was
    just a lie, to get your hopes up. You're not
    paying attention to anything or anyone important
    and you are unable to change your bad patterns.
    Look at your inconsistent control of your diet.
    Think of all the things you haven't done by now.
    You hate the 'holiday season'/this time of year,
    and you resist any encouragement or insistence
    from others to be happy, or participate in it;
    it is unnatural not to enjoy this, and you have
    no right to be/feel so different from others."

    Describe your emotional response.

    I feel like I'm not who or what I think I am,
    and that's frustrating after a too short period
    of feeling better and more "me" than usual. I feel
    like I must not really have the self-discipline
    or abilities I envision myself as having, and so
    I'm a terrible being - a waste of time and space.

    I also hate having my schedule/routine disrupted;
    and Thanksgiving through New Year's is a time
    every year when that happens to me.

    I also really hate being told by others that I
    "have to", "should" or "must" do certain things --
    even if I agree and believe in them, or not.

    And then I hate myself for not being thoughtful
    of others, and for not sharing their happiness.

    I have become so afraid to look forward to the
    future for fear of disappointment. I'm afraid
    to try to change things -- even broken ones --
    for fear of renewed, or different, failure.

    Then I'm mad at myself for not even living up to
    my own expectations - for not finding hope in
    things - for not going forward all the time.

    Dispute and change irrational self-talk.

    I don't normally regret for long things, esp
    minor ones, which I have not done once they are
    past. Also, I am usually good about discharging
    my obligations without undue resentment. I must
    be feeling a lot of extra performance pressure
    imposed on me by myself and perhaps (knowingly
    or otherwise) by others. Part of this may be my
    (mis)perception of others' expectations of me...

    I know this time of year is always very difficult
    for me, when it gets dark and cold and my routine
    is thrown off, and I don't feel like celebrating.

    I also know I am often afraid of change because
    I don't know what will happen afterwards --
    and I may not be in control of what does.

    This is all conflicting with my desire that
    *this year*, "things will be different":
    because I have things I really want to do
    and relationships that I want to maintain,
    or improve, despite my feeling lethargic and
    disconnected, and overwhelmed by pressure.

    Substitute alternative, rational self-talk.

    You've run into a whole bunch of roadblocks!
    Let's take them one at a time out of that wall.

    You do good work, and that will continue.
    However, you would like periodic feedback
    from others that you are helpful and useful.
    At present, you're not getting much of that.
    But you will have your annual review soon and
    that should tell you where you stand and what
    you can do to improve yourself or help others.

    You did write, two days out of five. Both days
    you did extra beyond your (self-imposed) goal.
    Two of those other days you did some research
    that you've recorded in your notes to support
    your upcoming work. Plus you should have some
    help with your research as you get organized
    and know what -- or who -- to ask for.

    More books? You have plenty to go through yet!
    There will be other chances -- and coupons --
    whenever you finally need more reference works.

    As for your unhappiness about holiday shopping,
    this is a manifestation of your fears about money,
    uncertainty, and simple lack of time, as well as
    frustration with insistent insanity in spite of
    both negative and positive reality checks. However,
    you generally shop for others via wish lists and
    gift cards. You also try to help others who need it,
    via charity donation requests or invisible acts of
    kindness. It all happens, at an appropriate level,
    in a way that works for both you and the recipients.

    You did collect needed contact and resources
    information, so that you can now proceed with
    settling something you've procrastinated about.
    You are taking steps to take care of yourself in
    smaller and larger ways; however, there will be
    moments when you fall down, for whatever reason.
    Blaming yourself never helps get you back up.

    You have celebrated, and will celebrate, with
    someone important to you; even if you do feel
    fear of the implicit acknowledgment that time
    passes, you can still be grateful for all the
    time that is, and all your presences in it.

    In addition, you are back in touch with people
    both close and far away from you, and you have
    another chance to let them know what they mean
    to you. You can do things you want to. It's ok
    to balance that with what others want you to do.

    Remember: a phone is simply a tool. Use it.

    Notice your thoughts and feelings,
    acknowledge them non-judgementally,
    and let them go.

    I feel these things. They may or may not be
    rational, but I do not discount that I feel.

    Refuting the irrational idea:

    Look back. It was not a lie; it is your path.
    Look down. Those are your feet, standing still.
    Look forward. There is your chance to take steps.
    Look up. Remember standing in a concrete courtyard
    a few nights back, all those lights shining upwards
    and one star looking down through reflected glory?

    You haven't left the universe, any more than it's
    left you. It finds you even in this. The universe
    has a weird sense of humor, you see, by making you
    go through ecstacy just to get to the laundry.

    Fear of failure is understandable, especially when
    you have been used to success. But the worst that
    can happen could still be for the best if it frees
    you from further fear of failure. So why not try?

Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't,
I give myself reasons why I can.


    Listen to any music that helps right now.
    Skip the rest until sumer is icumen in.

    If there's blockage in the way, you have always
    found my own unique way to get past it. Use your
    innate resistance, rather than feeling used by it.
    They say you can't, or you shouldn't? Say: "I can.
    I will. I must. And no, I won't let you stop me."
    Aikido your critics with their own negative energy.

    Continue to get rid of ten things a day
    to make room for the ten thousand things.
    Then you will have what matters most to you.

    Breathe once just to go in and out.
    Breathe twice, to reestablish the pattern.
    Breathe threefold -- for those who were,
    for those who are, and for that which will be.
    Then keep on breathing, however you do it.

    Continue to celebrate even the smallest things.
    If you don't share another's joy at this time,
    don't disrespect it. Find it in your own terms.
    If only the fact that the year, and the wheel,
    will continue to turn -- that spring will come.

    Listen to others -- but find your own voice.

If you hear a voice within you say
'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint,
and that voice will be silenced.

-Vincent Van Gogh
netpositive: (bloodylane)
It takes a great deal of history to produce
a little literature.

-Henry James
    Seanan McGuire has an interesting essay on
    Know Your Territory: that one needs to be
    somewhat familiar with the genre one is writing in.

    Sadly, this applies hard to me: I am creatively stranded
    in unfamiliar territory. I read a wide variety of stuff --
    not just "speculative fiction" -- BUT I am not familiar
    at all with the subgenre of alternative history. My soul
    is firmly rooted in heroic fantasy, dammit! Nonetheless,
    somehow I got this idea that wouldn't go away....

    I agree with her in principle and I am trying to do this,
    but it has some problems. The most irritating thing about
    working on this alternate history idea has been not doing
    the historical research (or even doing the writing itself,
    though it's early yet) -- it's been doing just this kind
    of "market research" on other books "in the genre".

    It's been like adding 50% again on top of all the other
    work one is doing to unearth and ground one's writing
    PLUS having to suffer through stuff that isn't good, or
    isn't right, or simply isn't "what I want to do with it".

    [Or rarely, it's so good one despairs, at least for a few
    minutes. Then one grits and grinds and gnashes one's
    competitive teeth together and gets on with it again.]

    Specifically in my situation, where does one draw the line?
    What is "alternative history"? _Guns of the South_, sure,
    but how about _Gone With The Wind_? Gingrich-Forstchen's
    _Gettysburg_ series looks to be popular, but it's almost a
    polar opposite of the kind of fiction I want to write. If
    that's what people really want, maybe I'm doomed. [Or is it
    just a matter of getting a vaguely-related celebrity name
    on the book cover? *rolls eyes* If it was a choice of "by
    Sarah Palin and..." or not being published, WWTDCD? :P ]

    So I agree with her -- and yet.... :) Maybe I need help.

    I turn to you, dear reader, for you are reading this and
    I blithely assume you may read other things as well.

    Have you ever read anything that you consider either:

    (a) a *good* work about the Civil War era? Emphasis here
    is on fictional works, but if you have a favorite auto/bio
    or nonfiction item, go ahead and rave about it. I may read
    those too -- someday. Major bonus points for anything that
    conveyed the flavor of the time without being ponderous, and
    the characters didn't seem too anachronistic (or saintly!).

    (b) a well-done alternative history piece? Doesn't have to be
    U.S. Civil War, but it would help if its backing history is not
    *too* obscure. 14th century Ojibwa culture may be Fascinating
    enough for Mr. Spock, but I lack time to immerse myself in it.

    I am aware of David Weber and Eric Flint, and Patrick O'Brien.
    Go ahead and explain what appeals to you in them! Bonus points
    if you can convince me to read them.

    Thanks in advance just for reading this. Also if you respond.
If you want writing time in your day, you have to
take it—no one will give it to you. Often, you can
only take it from your own alternate activities;
writers' lives tend to get rather stripped-down
for that reason.

-Lois McMaster Bujold
netpositive: (firehand)
You reach a point where you can either
do something or be somebody.

-Major John Boyd
    How do you free yourself, even momentarily,
    from being somebody in order to do something
    instead (or as well)?

    Looking to do something with a meaningful
    connection, not as defined by anyone else
    save this silly goose trying to dissolve
    her bottle.
Sometimes when we are generous in small,
barely detectable ways it can change
someone else's life forever.

Margaret Cho
    Working on recycling or disposing of more.
    Trying to take less in.
    Been Freecycling a few things.
    (Even some books.)

    Back to studying language CDs in the car.
    Revised a year-old short story.
    Trying to eat less.
    (Or at least less junk.)

    Reading around the occult world a bit, more
    as an interested tourist than a participant
    (for the time being).

    Need sleep.
    And dreams.
I got into a friendly argument with a colleague about
“appropriate” uses for churches. It started with an
observation he made about how St. Bart’s in Midtown
over-advertises its cafe - and why does a church have
a cafe anyway? He advocates separation of uses, and
deplored as an example, the proposal to turn a church
into a nightclub. I believe instead that churches are
gathering places - in a whole host of different ways,
whether they are cafes, nursery schools, night clubs,
or anything else....

Much of our disagreement was wrapped up in our conception
of these places and activity that is or is not perceived as
illicit. I don’t thinking [sic] drinking and dancing or
listening to music late at night, say at a night club, is
such an illicit activity that needs physical separation from
the observance of spirituality.

_This Place Is..._
    Not sure if there is any combination
    of community and spirituality out there
    which would apply to me.

    Dancing comes closest at the moment, but
    I'm not sure anyone else finds in it
    what I do.

    Many of my friends have found some community,
    but I'm not too sure that I belong.
    (If I even should.)

    I guess. I guess I'm just not sure. If I were...

    Soul ISO: immanence, rather than transcendence.
Time is the dominant parameter. The pilot who
goes through the [Observe Orient Decide Act] cycle
in the shortest time prevails because his opponent
responds to actions that have already changed.

-Harry Hillaker
netpositive: (Default)
I'm trying to live a quiet, peaceful life
and stay out of trouble, and all it is, is
one thing after another.

Venus Ram[s]ey, Miss America 1944

(Thanks to technoshaman for the link.)
    I hope, I hope, I hope -- but
    I still don't know what to hope for.
    I just try to look forward. To tomorrow,
    or to this evening, or to this afternoon.
    Because I find if I don't look forward,
    I can't *go* forward.

    How do I reconcile that with being in this moment?

    Especially if it's a moment I don't want to be in.

    This is a great time to take another look
    at a person who tends to really annoy you.
    He or she has viewpoints that you have
    a hard time relating to -- but some of
    these opinions deserve your attention.
    Your disagreements about important issues
    may contain valuable lessons for you.
    If you can get past your emotional reactions,
    you might even find yourself changing your mind.
    This is all part of the process of learning
    how to think more objectively.

    -Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, May 1, 2007

    No, somehow, I don't think I'm going to become her.
    I'll stay my savage, secret selves, if you please,
    safely inside my soft shell made of ruby and crystal,
    the lost girl running in and out of time,
    the student with the deep-wrinkled forehead,
    the cat with the inconvenient soul.

    Look hard and you might see something.
    Try hard and you might actually do something.
    Or, you can just wait around for decay and death.
    Your choice. Not mine. Go on.
But the things that you see
ain't necessarily the things you can find...

Joe Jackson
netpositive: (Default)
The feet on the path are all mine.

Focus on each step, no matter how small.

    Some things that happen in a week:

    Text behind cut )

    I want to be.
    I want to be great.
    I want to dance better.
    I want to live healthier.
    I want to be happy at work.
    I want to be better organized.
    I want to see friends more often.
    I want to listen to a lot of music.
    I want to be both seen *and* heard.
    I want to be actively listened to.
    I want to take care of myself first.
    I want to take more days off work.
    I want to have better connection.
    I want more of what I want.
    I want to be considered.
    I want to play more.
    I want who I want.
    I want to dream.
    I want light.
    I want to.
    I want.
    I need.
    I am.
Just for today I will take a compliment
and hold it in my heart for more than just
a fleeting moment. I will let it nurture me.
netpositive: (window)
Begin to consider what you can do
just this week, just today, just this hour.
How small do you need to make the time frame
in order to feel positive? Don't worry about
details; focus on just one baby step. What can
you accomplish in the next five minutes?

Move your body; narrow your focus; take action.
    Some things that happen in a weekend:

    Carry-out Cincinnati chili with sour cream.
    A glass of amaretto w/peach schnapps.
    Watching part of a favorite videotape.
    Get solid sleep. Emergency laundry time.
    See a brace of films by Orson Welles.
    Greeting some old friends in passing.
    Review new search engine documentation.
    Steam is rising off the Potomac River.
    Out dancing to a rare appearance by a
    traditional big band at Glen Echo -
    go through three shirts, two towels,
    lots of trips to the water fountain, and
    a life-saving bottle of berry Gatorade.
    Meet up late-night with an Oreo milkshake.
    Sun-dry sheets while walking to Courthouse
    for some iced chai. Continue with laundry.
    Plan for an hour of yard work (with water).
    Work on summary documents for presentation
    on the e-gov standards usability testing.
    Color hair. Get ready for this busy week of
    training + work + home + life. Pet cats.

    Let's take July one step at a time.
Fear comes with the territory.
Stop thinking that fear must vanish
before you can start a project. Fear
is part of life. You'll hear it when
you're perched on your growing edge.
Tilt your head to listen -- and then
press on. Demystify the fear by saying,
'There's the same old fear sitting on my shoulder.
I'll just go about my business.'

from _Stress Reduction for Busy People_
netpositive: (stojko)
... you have to do it all. No shortcuts.
-a Crone who was nameless,
quoted in a post by cindygerb

    Asking for help is hard.
    I should know.
    All one can do is try
    to make things better.
    A hand out can work.
    But the other person
    has to offer at least
    one hand in return.

I am grateful for my gifts.
netpositive: (Default)
... there is no higher power
than the experience of faith in yourself
and in the Universe just as it is.

-Andrew Shuygo Bonnici, Ph.D.
    I am lucky to be alive.
    I am lucky to be conscious and to be able to take care of myself.
    I am lucky to have good friends and family.
    I am lucky to have capacity for work and aptitude for play.
    I am lucky to have good health in body, mind, and spirit.
    And I maintain all these things: I nurture, I heal, I grow.

    I choose to focus on all the good things in my life.
    I acknowledge there may be difficulty and obstacles,
    but I am determined to continue through or move around.
    I can accept what is, while still dreaming of what may be.

    I am very lucky in my life, and I give thanks for my life.
    I also make sure I am ready whenever opportunity arises.
    My energy is open and flowing in every area of my life.
    Every experience is an opportunity for me to grow.
I can be powerful and still have needs.

I give myself permission to ask for what I want.

I consider others, but I honor myself.
netpositive: (Default)
I ask for help when I need it.
    I interact easily and positively
    with other people; therefore, people
    love working with me. I do strive for
    understanding and consensus, but I am
    also willing to make difficult decisions.

    I have the strengths and skills to do
    all the things I need to do in my life.

    I give myself full credit for what I know
    and what I am still learning.
    I easily accept challenges and take risks.
    I know I am always worthwhile and capable
    even though I will sometimes make mistakes
    or simply feel out of my depth at other times.

    I am willing to face my fear of failure.

    I am willing to try.
I accept support when I need it.
netpositive: (stojko)
Each day my life is filled with wonders and magic.
    I have a life.
    I have one life.
    I have this life.
    Why waste time being unhappy?
    I could worry about things I can't change
    and waste a lot of time and energy on them.

    Or, I can concentrate on the good stuff.

    I do acknowledge negative thoughts and feelings
    but then I return to my own positive focus.

    I may feel compassion for others' problems
    but I choose to be responsible for myself.

    I am my own person, running along my own path,
    but thank you for sharing my journey sometimes.
netpositive: (Default)
I am the producer of my happiness.

I give myself permission to celebrate my wholeness.
    I seldom make New Year's resolutions.
    I more tend to feel that there's no time
    like the present for changing what is.

    Or, if it's not a good time to change now,
    at least one can start making preparations for
    change. Dream -- plan -- take tiny baby steps
    if you can. Devote some energy each day to
    building for the future. Prepare, so that
    when the moment comes, you will know it and
    go with it.

    And find joy in yourself, and you will find joy in others.
In my relationships, I ask for
whatever I want from my mate.

I am not afraid to ask for help
in turning my dreams into reality.

affirmations from iVillage's Goddess Power
netpositive: (Default)
If nothing else, I can always serve as a bad example.
    Admitting your weaknesses
    is a powerful way to begin improvement.

    For the sake of positive change,
    take "bad", "wrong" and "shame" out of it.
    These weaknesses are the challenges in one's life.
    Facing, and understanding, them leads to growth.

    Today at work, two of us had to explain anew
    that telepathy (still) doesn't work (for us) -
    that we assumed rather than asking, or telling -
    that we caused a lot of extra work for ourselves.

    It's common for people to get down on themselves
    about things they want to change, about screwing up.
    As if self-hate would really work.

    We learn our lessons, and we keep moving.
I don't know what I don't know.


netpositive: (Default)

February 2013

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