netpositive: (bloodylane)
Have you heard of "conjugating adjectives" in English?

I'm thrifty; you're frugal; he's cheap.
I'm assertive; you're aggressive; she's pushy.

This postholder is possibly about declining nouns.

One person's rescue is another person's escape.
Someone's dream job may be someone else's nightmare.

Sometimes, you do the right thing -- and it doesn't work.
From a particular reference point, looking up may only mean
straight ahead, but it's still a change in point of view.

Trying to reframe this... but it's not easy.

Don't take it personally. Try giving it away instead.

Just another poor boy off to fight a rich man's war

I dreamed last night. Then I woke up and remembered it.

Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a pattern you can walk.
But first you have to find your feet. Then you have to move.
netpositive: (Default)
    I dreamed last night that I felt fine,
    but that some doctor was convinced I needed
    an immediate operation to remove something

    But I could never get an answer from him, or
    any of the hospital staff what, exactly, was
    the problem.

    Despite going back into the dream -- twice! --
    to try and get an answer from them. Or anyone.

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a left turn at Albuquerque.

    Still, I think maybe I know what it means.

    The answers lie in me and no one else.

    More later, I think. Cleaning, sorting, changing
    and throwing out are all short-term items on the
    long-term plan.
netpositive: (firehand)
You're not supposed to settle for okay.
You're supposed to want to be the best.

-an unidentified voice in my head
    Well, not entirely *inside* my head, but from
    not too far away. Normally I can pin down from where
    (or whom) a particularly distorted viewpoint is coming...

    This feels externally imposed, and of recent vintage.
    As if I've been watching too many reality/game shows,
    and partially been internalizing the wrong values.

    In my own space, I've been circling around and finally
    landed on top of an important insight about my overall
    sources, levels, and efforts of creativity which can
    flippantly be summarized as "I write most when I'm bored."

    More precisely: the types of work I'm doing most within
    my current, half-chosen profession, require much the same
    type of perspectives that I (would) utilize as a writer.

    Unfort, I am not one of those people who is 100% immersed
    in a single consistent mindset, and so I can see one reason
    why I have the longing to write, but not the performance --
    I have been using up much of what I do have, doing my work.

    Now what to do about that, is still under consideration. :l

    Dear Tir'na na Nogth,
    Was it necessary to be so literal in my latest dream by
    having my car fall into a sinkhole and I escape upward
    to the light without being touched once by the mud? If
    that was supposed to be a nightmare, it actually failed.
    Though I don't think that was your intention. Sorry if
    I missed a cue to go on a spirit quest or something...
    I'm a little dense these days, but you know I'm working
    on being a less material being in a more spiritual world.

People living deeply have no fear of death.
-Anais Nin
netpositive: (firehand)
Adjust your circumstances to suit your nature.
-Cary Tennis
    Over the weekend, I had a moment of connection with
    the divine.

    What, you think that makes you special?

    I have had them, though they've been too rare recently, and
    generally been achieved with effort rather than spontaneous.

    Shouldn't it just happen? If you're trying, maybe you're trying too hard.
    Or maybe you're just imagining things.

    This one, though, felt a little different than the others.

    Granted, I was in a position where it was possible to happen.
    But that is often the case, as I seek out things that nourish
    me when I struggle. So: I was outdoors, with music and a book,
    in a crowd but separated enough. Still, I wasn't trying at all.

    Instead, I felt the universe *trying* *around me*. I felt it
    nudge here, shift there, and click into place for a moment.

    How incredibly ego-centric of you.

    I'm just saying that instead of random or forced, it was...
    "Welcome back. Visit more often. I'm here waiting for you."

    Come on. The universe is blind.

    How can it be blind, when it sees through so many eyes?

    If spirituality is one's personal, private experience
    of the divine, is religion that same experience shared
    across a community? Does the communal always change (or
    destroy) the personal, or can it actually enhance it?

    Since then, cheerfulness, competency, learning, usefulness
    mixed up with tired, grumpy, boredom and lack of ambition.
    Typical material existence ups and downs.

    No, not that special. You wouldn't know me if you saw me;
    I look just like everybody else.

    But value any glimpse of a world outside -- world ahead.

    Thanks for the half-nightmare, Tir'na na Nogth.
    So: if the T-shirts are labels, and I had
    trouble getting them on and off, and I never
    found the one I wanted in time for the start of
    my Masquerade entry... how can I change my script?

Books I am reading right now:
_Memoirs of a Spiritual Outsider_ by Suzanne Clores
_Border Reminiscences_ by Randolph Marcy
_The World of Shamanism_ by Robert Walsh
_This Business of Concert Promotion and Touring_ by Waddell, Barnet, Berry
netpositive: (bluebells)
The best lesson you learn today will not be found
in the same old place. You are going to have to move
as far outside your comfort zone as you can stand to go
in order to get the nutritious input that your brain is
hungry for. Experimentation is the key to keeping yourself
sharp right now, so branch out and try out a few new tricks
you have been toying with. Through trial and error,
you will eventually perfect your technique and establish
a whole new best practice.

Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, 10/24/2007

    Lift one foot. Doesn't even have to go forward.
    Maybe lifting is all you can manage at first.

    I've been wanting out of these rat holes I'm dug into.

    If you don't have a shovel, use your claws.

    I've been waiting on people and places and things.

    Maybe they should be waiting on you instead.

    I judge myself not by what I am, but by what I do.

    That's what makes your not being busy, a real problem.

Someone who's been at the edge of your radar
for a very long time will suddenly move to the
center of your field of vision today. They want
your attention, and they want to inspire you.
If you give them a chance to make their case,
they just might. They are ready to prove to you
that what they have to offer isn't a correction --
it's a suggestion. Getting involved in a new venture
could give you the energy (and ego) boost you have been
looking for, so say 'yes' to a proposal.

Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, 11/21/2007

    Do imaginary characters count?

    We're just as real as everyone else.

    I started this post a month ago.
    It took a whole week just to go forward.
    Two more weeks to struggle, both inside and out.
    In the end, it took them a week to come back.
    A week. A whole week. Only a week.

    You're good as you are and you know it.
    Sure, support from others sure would be nice.
    Support from yourself, though, is essential.

    Yes, I am competitive -- even in some rather stupid ways.

    Get busy and stay busy a while, girl.
    You've still got a lot on your plate and
    you know there's always more struggle ahead.
    But don't forget to breathe, and to dream,
    and make more time for the rest of us.

    Thanks for the strong support, Tirna na Nog'th.
    Keep those words and images coming.
    I don't want to stop.
netpositive: (firehand)
I won’t finish my life in Timbuktu
Cheeks so tight my lips are turning blue--
    Be proactive -- but sensibly proactive.

    Don't update iTunes if you want
    to get something *useful* done quick
    on a computer in the following half hour.

    Don't mix media late at night
    if you're not going to remember
    the next morning what you did.
I won’t be an old man in Singapore
Playing scrabble and eating petits-fours
    Be true to yourself -- but consider others.

    Why are you jogging down the side of the road
    when there's a perfectly good sidewalk there?
    11 PM at night just means drivers can't see you.
    Can't see you doesn't mean can't hit you.

    Coinstar takes 8.9% out of your change
    unless you have a "gift card" in mind.
    Or, just grab a small handful of coins
    as you leave the house. Is that hard?

    Thanks for the nightmare, Tir'na na Nogth.
    I know quite well who the drowned woman was,
    and exactly why I was so angry. Betrayal comes
    in so many forms; all of them ugly. Can I go now?
J'veux pas finir ma vie à Honolulu
Chanter comme un oiseau ça n'se fait plus
    Don't panic too early. Stay calm. And
    if you do panic, don't stop breathing.
    But yes, go outside your comfort zone sometimes.
    Even if it's only by an inch. Because inches add up.

    Opportunity sometimes comes in through the out door,
    wearing a clever disguise as a random stranger in need.
    Karma may put you there at the right time to meet it --
    but your dharma makes introductions and impressions.

    Maybe the unexpected is not always a bad thing?

J' voudrai finir ma vie à Katmandouuuu
C'est bien plus doux de faire des rimes en "ou"
Mais je veux être givré, triplement givré
Swinguer comme les triplettes de Belleville

-Benoit Charest
netpositive: (firehand)
Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.
There can be no courage unless you're scared.

-Eddie Rickenbacker
    I have spent a lot of energy not being angry.
    I walk, I breathe, I work, I read, I think.
    Or I spend a lot of time fighting my anger.
    I dance, I write, I play, I sigh, I sleep.
    I acknowledge my anger and I want to move on.
    Tired of wasting precious time on the stupid,
    the lame, the halt. Sick of the energy drain.
    The world is so slow, and I am so fast...
    I eat, I drink, I listen. I dream. I hope?

    I know I am a very lucky person. I don't mind
    being an example -- hopefully sometimes a good one --
    but please understand: I am a very lucky person.

    I also believe that one often makes one's own luck.
    That does not negate the previous statement at all.

    And yet sometimes, I wake up afraid. Very afraid.

    Patience, listening, trust. Most important?

    I believe in magic. I do. I believe that the world
    is numinous. Now, if I could just see that more often.

    Even if you're running late, if you want to go, go!
    Because you never know. You just never know.

    Ah, but don't you see: I *am* queen.

    Dear Tir-na Nog'th, aka Unconscious,

    I understand that you think Standard
    Nightmare #2 is so important to repeat
    that you ran it as a mini-series *and*
    a sequel for summer rerun time. I get it.
    I got it. I grok.

    Now could we change the channel for a bit?

    Forever yours in Amber,
Shine a little love on my life
shine a little love on my life
shine a little love on my life
and let me see--

netpositive: (firehand)
Please tell why, do we build castles in the sky,
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high--

Ian Van Dahl
    Is dreaming just a butterfly, or
    just a sticky grey cocoon we spin and break open?

    If I dream of being in Kansas City, and
    not being able to find the rental car
    that I need to return to the airport
    so that I can get back home --

    (crows and chickadees chattering in the trees
    and one lone goose, laden, honking north)

    if I dream of lying side by side on the grass
    with my favorite collaborator at work, gazing
    up at the stars but knowing now (in hindsight)
    they'll never let us build that ship together --

    (a thousand seagulls clustered cold on a wire T,
    with heavy mists coming in from the south river)

    if I dream of Wodehousian young men in spats,
    dancing in line, twirling gold and silver pocketwatches --

    (the younger cardinal just bounced off a branch
    sending a yellowed maple leaf to the bare ground,
    as the soft eastern rays start to be cut off)

    if I dream of being with my back to the wall --

    (I never got to sit still in the side yard
    all spring or summer long. And this one time
    I'm trying to, well, even here I can't sit for
    an hour without being disturbed by a life
    that I didn't ask for. That isn't mine.)

    I know who the wide-eyed boy at the dance
    with the smile and bright copper hair was.
    And I also have some suspicions of that
    wary would-be mentor with the biker tattoos.

    But why Kansas City?

    Dear Tir-na Nog'th, aka Unconscious,

    Sorry there's so much on (y)our plate(s)
    right now -- hazards of spatial dislocation.
    Could you please tell me the color of the car
    next time? You know I'm looking hard for it.

    Forever yours in Amber,
... the circumstances of your life
reveal who you are, not
what has happened to you.

Circumstances do not make you
unless you think yourself down to them.

Iyanla Vanzant
netpositive: (firehand)
Nothing ever goes away until
it has taught us what we need to know.

-Pema Chodron

Just do go ahead.
Another powerful mantra.

-George Dorn
    Is dreaming waking, or
    does it just lead to and from it?

    If I dream of Orange Line breakdowns and
    running on all fours on hot sticky asphalt
    to try to get anywhere; or if I dream of
    my favorite collaborator at work coming
    to me with one more idea/project and I find
    the words, "I can't do it, I'm too busy"
    come easily to my lips - but I wake up; or
    if I dream of The Last Italian as being
    a bit more thoughtful and concerned about me
    than he had usually been in real life, then
    where am I? Who am I? Which way am I going?

    Image behind cut )

    Dear Tir-na Nog'th aka Unconscious,

    Sorry there're so much stuff on (y)our plate(s)
    right now -- the hazards of complex patterns.
    Could you please refrain from sending anything
    more up the down escalator for the time being?
    We're just reflections, not separate storerooms.

    Forever yours in Amber,
The first step in this practice, then,
is to choose to see all of life as a classroom
filled with spiritual lessons. Be a lifelong learner
who walks in humility and with receptivity.

from Practice Teachers
netpositive: (window)
Invoke often. Banish often.

Pictures behind cut... )

Before you go to sleep tonight, carve
a doorway in the darkness with your mind.
Be sure to visualize the approximate situation
you wish to encounter on the other side.
netpositive: (iconnerific)
Without an unobstructed route
Energy cannot flow.

-Deng Ming-Dao
    Sometimes one has to rest.
    Enjoy your sleep. Let your body go,
    let your mind wander,
    let your spirit soar.
    Recharge what has been drained from you.
    Recall the taste of your favorite juice.
    Dream a little dream of love.
You may feel like dwelling on
your limits or your fears. Don't do it.
A perfect prescription for a squandered,
unfulfilled life is to accommodate
self-defeating feelings while undercutting
your finest, most productive ones.

-Marsha Sinetar

Tools (1)

Apr. 25th, 2004 11:52 pm
netpositive: (Default)
A quick recap of my Saturday morning, starting with...
    A nightmare about two people, both of whose LJs
    I read but whom I've never met in real life, meeting me
    inside an apartment along with three other people whom
    I don't know. Then overhearing the two of them talking
    afterwards, through the open window, "So that was _her_?
    Oh man, who does she think she is, anyway?" "Yeah,
    pompous _and_ boring." And everyone starts laughing at
    this silly woman who thought she was fitting in a little,
    she was somewhere she could belong.

    Wake up sickened. Break ground; re-establish ground.
    Force self back into a half-sleep; have a repair dream,
    now unremembered.

    Wake up fully. Look up where the new Strayer Arlington
    campus building is. "Oh, so that's what they built over
    the Court House metro stop! I know where that is...
    heck, I can walk there."

    Grab travel mug, book, phone, wallet and keys. Stop at
    my car to pick up my camera. Walk the mile over to the
    Courthouse neighborhood, through the residential streets,
    savoring all the sunshine and breezes, and the azaleas
    and wisteria coming out full force. Get in the short line
    to meet her. Take a few pictures while standing in line,
    watching the overall operation of a personal appearance,
    how nicely and naturally she handles all the fans who've
    come to meet her.

    Just before I get to the head of the line, I'm nervously
    juggling things -- and I drop my camera. The casing pops
    open -- just enough for the mode selector dial to jam up.
    Shit. The girl behind me offers to take a picture for me --
    but she finds out her batteries are dead.

    So, I do get a couple of autographed 5x7s, and move off
    to the side. Looks like I might be able to move everything
    back into shape if I could just pry open the casing again,
    but my nails aren't strong enough. I have a thin key on my
    key ring... only now, I realize that I must have left the
    keys in the car door lock after retrieving the camera.

    Call home, keys located and retrieved. Still think maybe,
    just maybe, could fix the camera, if I had the right tool.
    Hmm. Run into nearby drugstore, find an eyeglass repair
    kit. Use the tiny screwdriver as a makeshift lever. Pop the
    mode selector back in place. Camera works? Yes!

    Get back in (still fairly short) line. Show her the
    repaired camera and tell her that I had asked myself,
    "What would Amy Wynn do? Why, she'd find the right tool."
    Pull out the screwdriver to show her. She grins. "Cool!"

    A very nice man with a son named Sam helped to take
    this picture.
One possible moral of this story:
Anything can be fixed,
given either enough time,
or willingness to break
things in the process.
netpositive: (Default)
You, the butterfly -
I, Chuang-Tzu's
dreaming heart.

-Coleman Barks
    The heat in the air has broken, so
    the breeze is cooler than my body.
    Sweat from my hair as I walk home -
    no, wait, the very first drops of rain.
    New leaves on top of the oaks and hollies
    rustle and ripple under falling droplets.
    The shift in scent, from flora to aqua,
    is cool water after downing heady wine.

    Last night, I dreamed a common theme.
    I was chased through a city, the same
    one where I've often been during sleep.
    It has narrow, yellow-tinted streets,
    and Asian figures flicker on billboards as
    I direct a sports car smartly to safety,
    wrists straining to hold a turning wheel.
    I open the door into a sunny schoolroom,
    where several faces look up to greet me
    and congratulate me on finding a path
    to escape.

    Tonight, I lie in bed, drunk with life,
    somewhere between dream and real.
netpositive: (Default)
I experience love very deeply, and grow
richer because of this every day.
    Spring. It's here, but it's not here.
    It's so close to me and yet so far away.
    If I could just reach out and touch it.
    I wish you could see me now.

    Buds breaking painfully open lead to blossoms on branches.
    Today saw a cardinal, heard a bluejay, starlings galore.
    The evidence of my body tells me the daffodils don't lie.
    I wish you could know me now.

    Working, playing, dancing, flying, falling, drowning.
    We all have our dead leaves, and the worms underneath.
    I want to give what I can and yet still be all I am.
    I wish you were here now.

I deserve to be loved by myself and others.


netpositive: (Default)

February 2013

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