netpositive: (Default)
... I guess I'll have to show more skin
in the next one. The public's demandin' it.
Y'know, when they ask for meat
you can't give 'em vegetables.

-Ruby Carter, _It Ain't No Sin_
    If you did something for me?
    Thank you. I appreciate it.

    If I did something for you?
    You're welcome. My pleasure.

    And if we didn't do anything?
    It's okay. Try again tomorrow.

    I feel my connection to the divine.
    I'm grateful for the light and heat.
    But a rainstorm would be lovely too.
Kiss me & don't forget
What you see is what you get

Oysterband, "Blood Wedding"
netpositive: (Default)
3 is not the same as double.
Adjust your expectations.
Make lemon juice tart.

Friday - contra dancing and Antero Alli.
Saturday - classical musicians and Django Reinhardt.
Sunday - bookcases and hellburgers.
Monday - pizza and intravenous fluids.
Tuesday - sinuses and video archiving.
Wednesday - "That's different. I'm trustworthy."
Thursday - "Listen, I'm not kidding. This is my job!"

Need to step it up a bit?
Ten things a day.
Per room.

You, make me a better person.
You, make me a bigger person.
You, make me a thoughtful person.
You, make me think.

Still need that blue sky, though.
netpositive: (Default)
Been feeling a lot more like myself lately.

A lot of me. And then some.

Kinda nice.

Meat and salt, and juice for me.

A pair of roller skates, and a brand new key.
Perhaps I have the universe. Or maybe it has me.
netpositive: (Default)
Switch off the mind and let the heart decide
who you were meant to be
Flick to remote and let the body glide,
there is no enemy
Etch out a future of your own design,
well tailored to your needs
Then fan the flame and keep the dream alive
of a continent, a continent, a continent, a continent...

-Thomas Dolby
    If I were a believer in omens, this morning I
    missed the bus *and* the elevator to work is broken.

    And then, the cursor on my laptop froze in place.

    And I'm thirsty. Still so thirsty.

If you have not yet succeeded on an inward journey,
be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. Gently let
yourself go deeper. Whatever experience comes to you,
let it take you over. Welcome it. Relish it.

netpositive: (bluebells)
So in between the B/W Parkway and West Park Drive,
there's this moment in time and space:

Empty space in your head next day
Memories have come and they have gone
Open your eyes can't get back to sleep
Though it's the earliest crack of dawn
There's a nagging something
You can't quite put your finger on...

-Tracy McDonnell
    Do I feel better because I take the vitamins,
    or do I take the vitamins because I feel better?
    Or maybe the vitamins take me.
    Whatever. Just take the vitamins.

    Easy games can provide a sense of accomplishment.
    It may seem like a "false" sense because the game
    is not "real". But you, and your play, are as real as.

    Try asking for what you want. It's hard to hear nos,
    but at least you're speaking for yourself when you do.

    More honey than vinegar. But vinegar can bring the tart.

    Let's face the music -- and dance.

If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together
to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather
teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
netpositive: (firehand)
The most beautiful thing we can experience is
the mysterious. It is the source of all true art
and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger,
who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

-Albert Einstein

While gaining physical and then psychological self-confidence over time,
I seem to have lost emotional self-confidence along the way.

Sometimes learned behavior still doesn't help.

Please connect me with something.

In and out quick, a cowboy.
-a character in the Illuminatus! trilogy
netpositive: (Default)

Too long a cooped-up lionness --

    Every song I've mixed this year has been true, if you only knew.

There are rabies vaccination tags for cats who ran away --

    Even the ones you didn't hear me play a thousand times, thinking.

Ignorance is a kind of bliss --

netpositive: (Default)
Focus, Castle. It's a crime scene.
-Kate Beckett
    ... a secret out, a secret in.

    Break in, break out,
    but not break up,
    not break down.

    The brakes are off.
    The drive is on.

    Not broken, just the breaks.

    A secret out, a secret in...
Could we please focus, people... focus.
-Nathan Ford
netpositive: (Default)
A rendered transliteration of the Middle English original.
For those of you not conversant with ME, þ ~= some kind of th.

Sumer is icumen in
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
and springþ þe wode nu.
Sing cuccu!

Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu,
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke verteþ.
Murie sing cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu,
Wel singes þu cuccu.
ne swik þu naver nu!
Sing cuccu nu, Sing cuccu!

    Sing me, sing you, sing cuccu too...

    The world goes swift around
    On an axis that shifts instant;
    Sometimes it seems sound
    that only change is constant.

    Dreams are hard to share
    Being so personal a metaphor;
    For our needs that need care
    Are the why that dreams are for.

    Your time is not anyone else's,
    So allot your hours as you may.
    Call it a virtue to be selfish --
    If that new self meets others halfway.

    Longings deferred be not longings denied,
    Long distances need not estrange --
    A walk on your path can be tried,
    But only my own can I change.

    Groweth sed, and bloweth med,
    and springst the world anew.
    Spring and summer are coming, she said:
    In season, let our own selves come true.

Life is all about timing...
the unreachable becomes reachable,
the unavailable become available,
the unattainable... attainable.
Have the patience, wait it out.
It's all about timing.

-Stacey Charter

Back to work.
netpositive: (firehand)
... circumstances indicate that the path
to your destination twists and turns in a
bewildering way. Your insight, however,
can penetrate and make sense of confusion.

-definition, juxtaposition from
    Go to the bathroom first.
    Then drink deep from your mystical cup.
    Pry your ghost loose from its shell,
    and find a right space for your words.

    Point out the middle path, and
    reconcile the polarities. Bring
    creativity and flexibility to
    the way you go about your way
    in the world. Move slowly and
    deliberately if change is required.

    Don't be too proud to ask for someone's
    help. Sometimes you do get it.

    What kinds of negative messages,
    self-doubt or paranoid fantasies
    descend upon you from time to time?
    Don't let them undermine your ability
    to be who you are and to contribute.
    Examine them and give them each a name,
    and identify them as separate from you
    (imagining them as little demons can help).
    This will increase your dominion over them.

    Turn the page. Write the next line.
    Take my foot off the brake already!

    A path is traversed one step at a time.
    A navigator can help you find the way.
    Is it a lantern, or only an hourglass?

    Simon says: take a baby step, baby.
Why must we dream in metaphors?
Try to hold on to something we couldn't understand.

netpositive: (Default)
Ive seen so many things that made me wonder
But sometimes its hard to tell--

-Lindsey Buckingham

    - sunny
    - 8 AM conference call, sounds like workflow is picking up
    - still sunny
    - sent director, logistics my current project status and upcoming availability
    - did I mention sunny?
    - went hiking in woods without leaves
    - put sunscreen on nose and cheeks
    - ate already-shelled pistachios
    - sunny and warm!
    - saw tadpoles
    - made sure to drink water
    - heard birds, but never saw one other than a lone crow scouting overhead
    - hooray for sunny and warm
    - laughed at hearing a power saw
    - bought a flyswatter at Target
    - my car smelled like hyacinths
    - started rereading _Barrayar_ (the one Vorkosigan book I don't own myself)
    - dinner involved ground beef, mushrooms, spaghetti squash, and radishes
    - relaxed a bit (about 37 on the 40 point scale ;) )
    - dancing, did a lot of broad smiling even though no basket whips tonight
    - this week's band has improved back to "yeah, gotta remember I like them now"
    - still warm when I came home
    - but felt cool mist when I went back out to the car
    - put the comforter back on the bed

    - wild thunderstorm at 4 AM
    - didn't bother to open my eyes to see lightning, just listened to the booming
    - dreaming about screaming at someone else
    - Stojko was cuddly: purrs, licks, headbutts, flops, the whole kitten kaboodle
    - got up late, had my morning cups of tea
    - had an article on Bob Dorough read to me after breakfast
    - listened to "Verb! That's What's Happening" [cause and effect :) ]
    - my desk smells like hyacinths
    - Sato seems to have suddenly decided my lap is a okay place to glom onto
    - weather sucks. overcast, cooling. blah. more than ready for spring.
    - check arrives in the mail
    - start planning next few days at least
    - keep looking up, if not always forward
Here comes the night time
Lookin' for a little more
Waitin' on the right time
Somebody outside the door
Don't blame me
Please be strong I know I'm not wrong

-Lindsey Buckingham
netpositive: (firehand)
The wheel never stops turning, Badger.
-Malcolm Reynolds

So? That only matters to people on the rim.
-The Badger
    Ah, but it is out on the rim that
    movement most clearly manifests.

    In partner dancing, the follower moves more.
    Either the lead remains relatively stationary,
    or both partners rotate around a central point.

    Force = mass * acceleration, right?

    For circular motion to occur there must be
    a constant force acting on a body, pushing
    it toward the center of the circular path.
    This is the centripetal (“center-seeking”)
    force. For a planet orbiting the sun, this
    force is gravitational; for an object twirled
    on a string, that force is mechanical; and for
    an electron orbiting an atom, it is electrical.

    If the earth were not spinning, it would have
    permanent light and dark sides like the moon.
    And then where would we be? Sitting still?
    It is the end of the whip that moves fastest.
    "Electricity", "magnetism", "chemistry" are
    used metaphorically as well as literally to
    describe strong interactions between objects -
    or bodies.

    The magnitude F of the centripetal force
    is equal to the mass m of the body times
    its velocity squared v 2 divided by the
    radius r of its path: F=mv2/r.

    Axles turn in very small circles; it is their
    translation into wheels which makes progress.

    For some people, the balance is motionless.
    And from time to time, yes, I need a center.

    But oh, where I fully live
    is right out on the rim.
    Acted on by the forces.
    On the edge, dancing.
Somewhere between the pigeons and the squirrels
I remembered I was alive.

Somewhere between the pavement and the grass
I recollected that it was good to be alive.

And somewhere in that instant between
the touch of your hand on my head and
the touch of your hand near my heart,
I recalled just how good it was.
netpositive: (firehand)
Irrational idea for today:
It is bad or wrong to be selfish.

    Some of the escalators are still broken.
    Yet a third of the window is still uncovered.
    Can't do anything or get anything done right now.
    I can barely remember the mere memory of juice,
    but yet lift my feet - hands - head to seek it out,
    with a blinded nose and near-tasteless mouth.
    Such is my strength, and also my weakness.

Refuting the irrational idea:
    The objective facts: My own needs were ignored.
    Negative self-talk: My needs aren't important.
    Focus on response: Unwanted.
    Dispute and change: What has happened past, has.
    But that doesn't mean it has to continue that way.
    People can be interested in who and what I am.
    Alternative self-talk: I am considerate of others'
    needs as well as my own, for my own well-being.
    text and images behind cut )

Don't put another cup of wine in my hand,
pour it in my mouth.
For I have lost the way to my mouth.

netpositive: (firehand)
Irrational idea for today:
people are fragile and should never be hurt.
    Some of the escalators are still broken.
    Half the window is blocked.
    No juice.

    Write down the facts.
    Write down your subjective self-talk.
    Describe your emotional response.
    Dispute and change irrational self-talk.
    Substitute alternative, rational self-talk.

    Notice your thoughts and feelings,
    acknowledge them non-judgementally,
    and let them go.

    Okay. I'm going dancing now.
Refuting the irrational idea:

This irrational belief results in failure
to openly communicate important feelings, and
in self-sacrifice that gives up what is
nourishing and pleasurable. Since everything
you need or want seems to hurt or deprive someone
else, you feel frustration, helplessness, and
depression. Relationships become full of dead
space where conflicts developed and nothing
was said.

from _The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook_
netpositive: (iconnerific)
The coincidence of a vague physical resemblance
followed by an accidental but absolute audio replica
brings up a vibrant ghost from the past...
    I close my eyes,
    and I just hear your voice.

    the power of sound,
    after all this time apart.

    I could never explain to others
    how so many of your questions got answers,
    how the simplest of words complicated everything.

    the vowels in your last name,
    I know nothing has changed except the calendar.

    Pain may drain away.
    But anger - and hunger - stay.

    I paid.
    Still, I do regret
    not always doing right by you.

    I close my eyes,
    and I just hear your voice.

    Every night,
    I close my eyes.
netpositive: (Default)
Just because it's not on a computer
doesn't mean it's not important.

    The daffodils in the yard are drooping,
    waiting for some sun to renew their glow.

    I received a very meaningful compliment
    today, from someone who (I think) had no
    ulterior motive in giving one to me. The
    best compliments, I think, are those that
    recognize one not when one is trying, but
    just when one is being. So I am happy that
    an action which I felt was simply "natural"
    in myself, was noticed and appreciated as
    an attractive quality by another person.

    Even Superman wanted someone to appreciate
    him, y'know. Goes for Superwoman, too.

    I went to Total Beve^H^H^H^HWine tonight.
    It's a rather strange experience for me
    to go shopping for wine on my own. Among
    other things*, I've never quite understood
    wine descriptions, and certainly not ones
    that talk about "hints of tobacco and ash"
    as selling points for a vintage! My likings
    in wine have broadened some over time, but
    I still don't care for many of the standard
    varieties of grapes, so I can ignore immense
    aisles of "Cab This" and "Pinot That" and
    "Rose Zinfandel" on my way to a lonely corner
    housing Malbecs and other "Alternative Grapes".

    Anyway, we'll see if the wine I got is as good
    from the bottle as it was from someone else's

Don't wait for death to solve your difficulties.
Do what you must while you are still alive.

Deng Ming-Dao, in _365 Tao_

* I have an odd spatial perception of how wine tastes, as if it were interacting with a Rubik's Cube of "spatastial" receptors in my mouth in addition to just receiving regular tastes. Wines I "like" are ones I perceive as distributing more evenly throughout all 27 possible sectors; wines I "dislike" tend to concentrate along 9 side(s). This doesn't happen with any other alcohol, beverages or food that I know of, and I don't generally have any other mixed perception akin to synesthesia. So it is an interesting experience for me, but confusing to try to explain to others...
netpositive: (firehand)
We either make ourselves miserable
or we make ourselves strong.
The amount of work is the same.

Don Juan Matus
    Ah, I must have a very full life,
    if adding just a little bit more
    makes it overflow so.

    New wave and heavy metal.
    Tae Kwon Do and lindy hop.
    Social work and reading alone.
    Design and testing.
    Housecats and cheetahs.
    Regency romances, Civil War history,
    all the science fiction I can stomach,
    and all the fantasy I can stand.

    more text and some images behind cut )

    "Well... he tends to promise the moon,
    but then too often he tries to deliver
    a medium-sized asteroid instead."

    If I'd only had a spoon, I could have turned
    that sweet corn cake upside down, for you.
    But there is no spoon, yet.

You are the Sun in drag.
You are God hiding from yourself.

netpositive: (firehand)
... grant us, in our direst need, the smallest gifts:
the nail of the horseshoe, the pin of the axle,
the feather at the pivot point,
the pebble at the mountain's peak,
the kiss in despair, the one right word.
In darkness, understanding."

-Lois McMaster Bujold, _Paladin of Souls_
    I am grateful for the smallest gifts.

    Grateful for my health, my strength, my balance,
    my talents, my interests, and my core values.

    Grateful for patience and thoughtfulness.

    Grateful for the little black and white cat with
    the kink at the end of her tail, who crouches on
    my leg with her claws lovingly sunken into my knee.

    Grateful for a new year to live more life in.

    Grateful for those many people who have shared, or
    will share, their own sound and vision with me.

    Grateful for salt and gold, for drumbeats and tea,
    for books and music, for nighttime and sunshine.

    Grateful for the gift of laughter. And of touch.
    For the memory of fulfillment, and even of longing.

    Ah, she's moved now. Or is it I who is moving?

Oh soul, you worry too much
netpositive: (firehand)
Inevitably, Cosmic Forces get involved.
You know how it goes.

-Top 10, issue #2
    Personal, positive, present tense.
    Visual, auditory, emotional.

    While walking to the Metro this morning,
    I get a small stone stuck inside my shoe,
    small enough to rattle around while walking.

    With all the construction going on, both housing
    and commercial, there's lots of rubble around.

    This isn't as much a problem during the summer,
    as it's easy enough to knock a stone out of sandals.
    But now it's fall, and I'm wearing my sneakers,
    and it's the 2nd block of a 7-block walk,
    and I'm already running late.

    Don't have time to stop. Fix it when I get to Metro.

    At block 4, there's a traffic light at two major streets.
    Pedestrian crossing is complicated by both having medians,
    the street junction not even being close to perpendicular,
    normal traffic flow dictating left- *and* right-turn arrows,
    and unending construction on the Edmund Fitzgerald building
    image behind cut )
    (aka Clarendon 1021) continually blocking the cattycorner sidewalk.

    Crossing, not quite fast enough, get stranded on the median.

    Well, if I have to stand still for a few seconds anyway...

    Take right shoe off - shake - shake - shake -
    the left turn arrow shuts off -
    quick, have to finish crossing -
    with one stocking foot, shoe in hand.

    And when I put my shoe back on,
    there's a small stone inside it.


    I *think* it was a different stone - felt smaller, lighter,
    less pointy. But still annoying. Still a stone in the shoe.

    Finally shake it out on the upper escalator at the Metro.

    (so if on the way home I find that escalator broken...)

    A lot of one's life is like that. Of course one still has to try
    to overcome the obstacles, and reduce or remove annoyances.
    Struggling at work. Living at home. Or longing for the taste
    of grape juice in a world dominated by apple - orange - lemon.

    But sometimes, one just has to wait, until the right time
    to shake the stone completely, entirely, out of one's shoe.
Time goes, you say? Ah, no!
Alas, Time stays, we go.

-Henry Austin Dobson
netpositive: (iconnerific)
Without an unobstructed route
Energy cannot flow.

-Deng Ming-Dao
    Sometimes one has to rest.
    Enjoy your sleep. Let your body go,
    let your mind wander,
    let your spirit soar.
    Recharge what has been drained from you.
    Recall the taste of your favorite juice.
    Dream a little dream of love.
You may feel like dwelling on
your limits or your fears. Don't do it.
A perfect prescription for a squandered,
unfulfilled life is to accommodate
self-defeating feelings while undercutting
your finest, most productive ones.

-Marsha Sinetar


netpositive: (Default)

February 2013

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