A long, long time ago

Apr. 24th, 2019 11:46 am
wcg: (Default)
[personal profile] wcg
It was 1968, and I was in the 8th grade. When I was a teen heartthrob. )

(no subject)

Apr. 23rd, 2019 10:23 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[personal profile] sorcyress
Accomplishments for today:

*The Usual
*I graded all the entrance tickets from yesterday and today (but I haven't entered them yet, gotta get on that.
*Gave participation grades for yesterday and today (but again, need to enter).
*Almost totally prepped Algebra for tomorrow, at least half-prepped Calculus for tomorrow.
*I'm giving that last one another star, because I fucking _never_ prep work in advance.

*Sent a couple emails, made a Facebook post
*Did brainstorming work about who runs parties and the like
*Made suggestions about Potpourri classes

*Wanked around and caught Jenn up on the last few weeks (California, NEFFA, Evidence, That Drama From School From A Couple Weeks Ago)
*Discussed sleep issues and how to be healthier around them

*Got 1500 unread emails out of my inbox, only 2,942 to go (and they get harder from here).
*Wrote my words for the 137th day in a row.
*Listened to a lot of Vienna Teng
*Might go to bed before eleven. Not sure yet, will try and check in tomorrow.

Becoming Effective

Apr. 23rd, 2019 09:29 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[personal profile] sorcyress
I dunno how long it will last, but fuckit, I'm tired of being Absolute Trash and I'd like to just generally Suck Less. So here's some things we're gonna do about it.

(Yes obvs we're going to do all of these at once, how else do I completely guarantee burning out in less than a week and forgetting all positive progress?)

*Sleep! Look, fine, I've hit the tipping point. Let me reassure you, I still utterly despise the very concept of sleep. It's so boring. It's so much time where you could be doing fun and/or useful things. I hate it so so so so much. BUT. Working hypothesis, drawn by everyone on the internet talking about it and also mek calling me out and also confirmed as probable by my therapist, is that if I sleep more, then my waking time will be less braindead and more productive. I will be able to do more fun and/or useful things anyways! What a clever trick.

yeah, I hate everything about this, but I'm gonna try and commit to getting more sleep, through some combination of: long afternoon naps (1-2 sleep cycles), setting my alarm for realistically later and not hitting snooze (since we all know all those nine minute cycles are not actually helpful or restful1), actually going the fuck to bed when it's bedtime (which is 11 on school nights, you know that you ponce what even was last night), and trying to get some of my prep-work done afterschool so I can arrive at school later in the morning (as in, not times that start with 6, yes really, all the damn time) instead of frantically needing a half-hour per different class before school starts at 7:45.

I don't think I will do all of those on the same day. I don't think I'll do any of them reliably or regularly. Recommendations for other ways to make sleep more frequent are great. Telling me to go the fuck to bed is also good.

*Emails! The greatest blow to my ego in the last two years2 was hearing a friend describe me as "bad at email" to another friend. Mostly because she was right, which is a vile fact and I'm sorry for it.

Anyways, the whole "one day at a time" thing applies here, and I've done all the emails for today. Inbox zero is a legitimately impossible thing, but maybe I can get _fewer than 4k fucking unread emails kthanks_. I did do a bunch of new label-filters, so that'll help. One step at a time, whee!

*Fiction! did you know I brought a story for other people to read, complete damn strangers, and they reacted positively? I am absolutely reeling! And yes, mek's writing group is full of super nice people, but still! Maybe I should try fiction writing more sometime, because legit, that was from 2014.

*Work! we're not gonna talk about how things are going at work shhh everything's fine, no I'm not in the hell-space where evidence is in but I don't know yet if I have a job next year hahaha it's great everything's great why wouldn't it be great?

*Social! It's not winter anymore! I mean, the weather is awful (repent to your weather lords), but we're out of the really cold and dark SAD season. So maybe I can start interacting positively with people I like? I use google chat and discord, hmu! Yes, I would love to do a short fun social with you in a late afternoon or early evening! Maybe a dinner before dancing sometime? Ice cream on a Friday night? Who knows!

*Housecleaning Yeah, so like, I filed extension-on-taxes, which involved sending a rough approximation of money to the government, but I based it on the 2017 amount I sent, which was WAY HIGHER than it would be this year, because I spent half of 2017 self-employed and not paying my own taxes. What does this have to do with Housecleaning? The fact that my mail is currently scattered through the fucking disaster that is my bedroom and maybe if I organized All That I could get my tax stuff actually done for real and get some money back from the government. That'd be keen!

If you would like to literally or metaphorically (via Skype/Hangouts/whathaveyou) sit on my bed and keep me company some afternoon while I roomclean, that'd be incredibly useful and I'd be very into it.



1: One of my favourite things about the digital age is the ability to highlight any word I type and hit the "look up" button on my computer and have an immediate pop-up of the actual definition. Case in point, I originally had restive here, but that is actually the exact opposite! Thanks dictionary!

2: The greatest blow to my ego ever was probably not getting hired back at the private school, but that was now more than two years ago. Time is marching on and all.

(no subject)

Apr. 22nd, 2019 10:03 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[personal profile] sorcyress
I'm home!

I'm home, and I just took a three hour nap, and I am going to write my words and then go back to bed for seven hours or so, which will not exactly cure the sleep deficit I had from last night, but it will help _a lot_.

("why did you have a-" because I got home from the airport at 2:30 in the morning and left the house for work at 6:30. Like, I knew it was gonna happen and all, but uuuuughhh.)

California was a very Good Time! Some highlights, in no particular order:

*I met mek's friend Samantha and hit it off swimmingly! We chatted briefly after writergroup, and then we spent much of Friday all in a group chat as I read stories and Had Feels and then mek and I went over Saturday afternoon-to-early-evening to watch taskmaster and eat _fucking delicious_ Moroccan lentil stew (NTS: Recipe) and chill. All of this was excellent!

Samantha is a person who is super fascinated by and fascinating about people. It's really really fun to talk to her about brains and perceptions and anxiety and the work we all have to do and how it is different from or the same as each other.

*Also Samantha did my hair up _super_ pretty, with lovely dutch braids at the top, and then spiraling the hair through its braid. Twitter has pics. The top part is still in --I rebraided the bottom this morning, and it actually still looks pretty good and it feels wonnnderful. Also it was cute, as I asked if she wanted to braid my hair and she acted as though this is a great intimate honor and was pleased I trusted her or whatever, which I mean, a little, but mostly I'm just REALLY EXCITED FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DO MY HAIR! So seriously, everyone, if you want braiding practice, or you want to get your feet into 42 inches of the silky stuff, hit me up.

*Speaking of writersgroup, I brought a piece in on a whim and it was received really well! So now I feel all pleased and gotta work on it more, so that maybe next time I visit California I can please people by bringing in more of the story.

*mek and I spent a day attempting to go to the amusement park, then learning that they've completely shot themself in the foot by no longer making the rides all-you-can-ride. Like, there is simply no pass or version of their payment scheme that means you can ride *all* the rides (you can get a time block with most of them, but only at certain points of the week, and it doesn't include the Screamer.)

*So we went bowling instead. It's been a while since last bowling, and what we learned is that I am, while not a good bowler, slightly better than mek. This pairs very well with us having done minigolf, where I am slightly worse than mek.

*Also at bowling we got snax, and the mozz sticks and funnel cake were _shockingly_ good. The bowling place also has lazer tag, so we might try that next time I'm in town, or just go to six flags for proper amusement parking.

*We watched two and a half seasons of Taskmaster, and I count it as an absolute win that mek enjoys it. mek and Samantha want to write it into their Changeling universe/rpg, which I am All About. The idea of the fae getting ahold of Taskmaster is a great one.

(Taskmaster has been my television fav of the last year, and I've shown a lot of people. Comedians did tasks. Now the tasks are being shown and ranked! Everyone wins!)

*Also showed mek Anna and the Apocalypse, which is of course the current movie obsession. I am three-for-three on showing it to people and having them quite enjoy it, so yay! It is...just a really excellent movie, and if you like zombie Christmas musicals you should definitely hmu.

*There was also just heaps of snuggling and reading things across each other and fucking around online, and we went to a park one of the days and had a picnic, and life was good! But now I am home, where life is...well mostly life is woefully underslept and skipping dance. But I'm working on it!

I hope your life is lovely.


Keep it going

Apr. 18th, 2019 07:01 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[personal profile] sorcyress
So here is something I didn't even realize I missed until right now, and it's more or less thanks to [personal profile] tinuvielchild that I realized it.

When you go to a Big Event, it's a well-known phenomena to have "con drop" afterwards. The festival is done, afters is behind us, there's no more songs to sing or volunteer tasks to complete, and all the great many friends have packed up and gone home. Oh sure, you'll see them all again at another event, another year, but this one is done and gone behind us.

And then you log onto your computer in the days not-so-long after, and scroll quietly through your livejournal feed, and get the little reports. You get to relive the event, through someone else's eyes. You get a thrill of delight when you read your name, recognize the ways that someone you love cares too for you, and included the memory of you in their presentation of What Was.

I love reading event reports from things I've gone to. I love it even if I don't cross paths with the person I'm reading, I just adore getting to experience the thing all over again, this time in a slightly different what-might-have-been. And it's a mostly dying thing, as so many fewer of my friends flock back to dreamwidth after the events, and Facebook is so completely useless for it and decentralized.

As always, I will try and be the change I want to see in the world. But know that this is a good thing, when you talk about the lovely adventures you've had. You're letting me keep the good times going, just a little bit longer.


(no subject)

Apr. 15th, 2019 10:58 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[personal profile] sorcyress
I am in California!

This is a trip to visit mek, and hang out with him, as I am wont to do. It has already included being twits in various stores, watching two episodes of taskmaster, and napping. This is a good life, and I'm fond of it.

Further plans for the week include doing some social with writers group and with his DnD nerd friends, and spending a day at Scandyland, which is the little amusement park not far from here with minigolf and stuff. Plus probably writing, and watching many of the Televisions, and harassing the cat and that sort of thing. It's a difficult life, but one that must be occasionally led.

Last weekend was NEFFA and it was...not the best NEFFA I've ever had. *probably* not the worst, since I think that honor goes to the first year, but some similar problems honestly.

But there were lots of good parts! I had long discussions with lots of friends, and plenty of sunshine-time, and I got to listen to Elishka be passionate about knitting and the SCA, and I got to have a couple of really satisfying dances with strangers, and the demo team performance wasn't too bad. So ultimately, it wasn't terrible, it was just...a lot. Don't wanna talk more here/now.

It's near eleven my time, so my brain has slowed down pretty badly. I'm running on about an hour and a half and three hours sleep in a bed, then a whole heap of chunks of sleep on the airplane(s). Coming back home's gonna be plenty exciting too, but that's definitely a problem for future Kat.

I hope wherever you are, you are well, and with people you care for, and with things to do that make you happy.


(no subject)

Apr. 11th, 2019 09:14 pm
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)
[personal profile] sorcyress
Having submitted my evidence file in a beautifully timely manner last night (I hit submit before 7PM! I made it to bells only a half hour late, and had great fun ringing and climbing on things!), my subconscious decided to throw a truly wicked anxiety-dream at me.

On the plus side of everything, it was honestly ridiculous enough that during the dream everything was deeply stressful and upsetting, but as soon as I woke up, I was able to take the situation firmly in hand and say "that is not how any of that would happen, don't be ridiculous, brain". And then I could just sortof marvel at the utter ridiculosity of it all!

See, I was teaching a Scottish Country Dance class, at a con-like event. It was the SCD class where _everything_ was going wrong. All my dancers were newbies, except a handful who did a lot of English or Contra or otherwise not-quite-Scottish and they kept talking over me and not letting me explain. I was ready for music and found my musicians had wandered off to get snacks. We spent all this time on skip-change practice, and then I realized that the really easy first dance I'd prepared was a strathspey. Also it began with an allemande, which is actually a great figure for when you've a mixed class and there are experienced people, but *not* for when you have all beginners all the time.

Also, like, Austin and some other more generic "people who are my friends who I like" were there for a while but then wandered off in an annoying and unsupportive way. Alsoalso, at one point we were having to arrange our set on an incredibly awkward ledge with raised metal panels on the floor. It was...deeply sub-optimal.

So yeah. Like, _none_ of that would happen in real life. If people insisted on talking over me, I'd utilize my Withering Looks, if my musicians wandered off, I'd switch to canned music, if I had a ton of newbies, I'd do what I always do and crack wise until they relax, if my dances were too hard, I'd switch 'em out for something I make up on the spot, and if I teach skipchange as my step _I will damn well use quicktime dances instead of strathspeys_.

But, yanno. Evidence is in, which means the waiting game has begun. Sometime in the next two months, I will find out if I get to keep the dream job. If I recall correctly, last year I had at least four anxiety dreams before I found out.

Fingers crossed y'all.



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