The time of someone else's life (1)

My best girl friend from college is dead.

I remember us laughing at the X-rated movie nights
run then by UMBC Student Government, because in
those days the Maryland Censor Board was still in
operation and their idea of X-rated would barely
raise an eyebrow at 8 PM today, much less midnight.

I remember the night I held her while she cried
her heart out, because the jerk who was using her,
had dumped her. [And how horrible I felt because
I'd predicted it would happen, almost to the exact
hour.] How angry I was that she went back with him
later on and let him take advantage of her some more.
I never hid my feelings about _him_ if she asked, but
if it made her happy, then I tried to support _her_.

I remember her: flirting, smoking, playing bridge,
wearing skirts, and managing (most) other people well.

I tried to tell her many things. I know I didn't always
make sense to her (and I didn't always make sense to me,
especially back in those days) but again, she was loyal.

I was there when they broke up again, for good, and I
tried to let her know how worthwhile she was in herself.

I was maid of honor at her first wedding, to someone
I'd once lived with for 4 years, and still cared for.
I was so glad they had "found" each other at last.
I thought they would be good together... and for a
time, I think they were. But we all have our flaws,
and under too much pressure lives may change shape.
Sometimes they turn into something new and better.
But sometimes they just turn, like curdling milk.

We lost touch after the divorce. Different people,
different lives - so often we'd had little in common
but memories, and loyalty. I worried that I would
remind her too much of a past she finally needed to
cut herself free from. I felt I had nothing more I
could give her - nothing I hadn't already given her
when we were different people, in different lives.

Apparently, she had just recently remarried. :(

Oh Sandy, I'm sorry this had to happen to you now.
You were such a smart and talented woman. I always
felt you deserved more and better out of life than
sometimes you got.

Including, maybe, your best friend from college.