Courage (4)

[netpositive]

We gonna to do what they say can't be done
We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there
Jerry Reed, "East Bound and Down"

At 44, it's frustrating to feel like I'm on
the bottom rung of a ladder. But then look at
all the other ladders I climbed just to get here.

Measure twice, cut once.

I worry too much about what is possible, and
not enough about what I want to (make) happen.

Dream first, budget second.

I keep trying to account for all my time. And
I keep looking at how much others accomplish in
the same period of time, and then I feel inferior.

It's sobering to realize, for example, that when
Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
-Tom Lehrer, age 37

But I am not anyone else. I have my own priorities.
I have my own needs, wants, desires, responsibilities.
Sure, I may be a bit of an ant. But I'm a damn good ant.

Plan first. Execute second. Adjust all along.

I could have been dead 3 times over by age 23.
Maybe I don't know the reason, maybe I never will,
but I'm still here. As long as I am, I do what I can.

It takes a lot of time to learn something new,
so don't be impatient with yourself right now.
Each time you uncover a new aspect of your current challenge,
you will also uncover a new obstacle. This is disheartening,
but it's also very normal. Just keep going and keep learning!
It'll all start to come together soon. You're on your own schedule,
so don't compare your progress with someone else's progress.
Just stay focused on what you need to do.
Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, Nov. 3, 2006

Comments

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

*hugs* yes, whether it be this life or the next or the next, you will Get There...

And meanwhile there are happy people along the way to share with.

[cz_unit]

Interesting thoughts. Where are you now, and how are these applying to you?

CZ

[vandaluna.livejournal.com]

You is a Leo bitch?

I dreamed about you last night. Don't really remember, just know the feeling. Difficult to convey.

As for your life not being what you think it should be (if that is what you meant), trust me, I's knows just how da sistah feels! But sheeite! There is a lot of learning and a lot of experience which comes from such a life, doncha think? If you are as me, you've experienced more life than most. (not that I'm bragging, mind you).

I think the answer falls somewhere in the question and answer of what is important and how do we count our self worth. I think that even though I would prefer to think I did not, that I find validation in terms of the world's definitions of success. Perhaps that is only because all I want is independence and living in this world independence only comes through the world's successes and the world's money. And while I might say that your value as a person is higher than the value of many others and I might believe that, it doesn't make it any easier to manipulate one's way through this world.

Injustices, inconsideration and ignorance still hurt somehow.
I've seen complete idiots attain the accomplishments which seem so denied to me (and you it seems). It makes no sense. There is no logic to it. If it would only make a difference if I told you that I think you are so much more valuable than most of those at the top rung of the ladder, I would say that, but you, as would I, would only think I'm trying to blow smoke...oooh...speaking of blowing smoke...

You posted a while back that people think you are centered or strong and yet you feel vulnerable at times. Just remember, you are not a victim even if your path is rough. You are just aware and awareness isn't easy.


Vanda!

[netpositive.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about how to answer that. The most obvious issue is where my career path (ha, that makes it sound so *planned* -- more like one of those rutted deer tracks in a deep forest) is taking me right now, and what -- or if -- I need to "do" anything at this point. The consulting firm I'm contracted with has various "levels" of consultant. Going into a second year of contracting with them, I am at the bottom rung for non-Indian personnel.

Ok, obviously, I am paid less than those who are more experienced and/or "educationally advantaged". Read that latter comment generally as "having a PhD", as this company strongly cultivates an image of merging academic credentials & deep knowledge of current research in the field with proven applied techniques & producing practical results. Having thrown out that little bit of marketing/jargonspeak, I'm not in any way denigrating their accomplishments or their worth -- all the PhDs I've worked with so far absolutely Know Their Stuff. and they share]. And I really want to be and feel accomplished, to be seen by others and myself as someone who is very useful, can be flexible, can fulfill many different needs, and simply solves problems if needed: a go-to, can do person.

At the same time, there's lots of good stuff already. I am now getting to do much of the kind of ground-level, visible, tangible usability work I wanted to do, with more or less fretting about management issues depending on how good a project manager I have above me. I'm gaining a breadth of experience that I never would have gotten where I was; through the requirements and demands of these various projects, I'm having to learn/brush up on lots of technology & tools that I would probably avoid straining myself with if the choice was just up to me; and hot damn, it is so nice to be working with a whole group of incredibly smart people. The pay is decent enough, given my overall experience.

One possible problem I can see already: I have this annoying tendency to move around/up in an organization over time. I don't exactly think of myself as restless, or even driven to succeed in any normally understood fashion. It's usually more that I actively get interested in "something else/similar" and I want to do it as much or more than what I'm currently doing... or in too many cases, without stopping doing anything else I'm already doing. I.e., I'm picturing kind of the vocational equivalent of having multiple relationships and the resultant choices, conflicts and crunches that arise. If you can imagine that. :)

So here I am, looking (up?) at all these people above me, and wondering if maybe I need to go back to school -- again. It's 16 years since I finished my Masters in Library and Information Sciences, but I remember what it was like working full-time and also going to school. And heck, I was working on campus at the time, so it wasn't a big commute from work to classes. Now, all the logistics for fitting in school seem rather daunting. Accumulating another Masters in one of the "more desirable" disciplines for my field [e.g. cognitive psych, linguistics, human factors, design] would be hard enough; doing a PhD requires some full-time commitment at some point. And then there's that whole writing a thesis/dissertation thing. :( I'm not anti-writing, but I'd much rather do creative writing.

But. Does the world actually need more of them -- or does it need more of *me*? I'm not too sure I would be happier being really "specialized". I certainly don't want to be more absent-minded and/or less practical. And I've got plenty of other things to worry about outside of working hours. So: What exactly am I envying here? and are there ways to resolve it that make sense for what *I* need vs. what other people need?

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

hey, I don't have an email address for you...