netpositive: (Default)
My feet travel five, seven, five.
My hands hold a book, an iPod, cold blood, and keys.
My heart is so very far away.
    Earlier heard birds.
    Now, sere silence of dead grass
    Scratched by vehicles.

    Bobcats squat in mud,
    Yellow screaming against brown,
    Clawed wheels churned deep.

    The sober of cold
    Stays outside blue neon bars
    Not drinking it in.

    Shelves filled with shiny
    things I do not want to buy;
    I do turn around, and leave.

    You level and build
    Metal trees and plastic wood
    Over life's underground.

    You sweep your streets free
    of the broken and feral --
    no place for me, here.

    Beware the beast, then,
    Prowling civilization
    With no affection.

    Later, sun through glass
    redeems one moment -- but a
    window remains closed.
Trying to live in the moment
may be necessary but is not always beautiful.
Sometimes all one has is understanding what is.
netpositive: (firehand)
The most beautiful thing we can experience is
the mysterious. It is the source of all true art
and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger,
who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

-Albert Einstein

While gaining physical and then psychological self-confidence over time,
I seem to have lost emotional self-confidence along the way.

Sometimes learned behavior still doesn't help.

Please connect me with something.

In and out quick, a cowboy.
-a character in the Illuminatus! trilogy
netpositive: (Default)


Too long a cooped-up lionness --

    Every song I've mixed this year has been true, if you only knew.

There are rabies vaccination tags for cats who ran away --

    Even the ones you didn't hear me play a thousand times, thinking.

Ignorance is a kind of bliss --

netpositive: (Default)
A rendered transliteration of the Middle English original.
For those of you not conversant with ME, þ ~= some kind of th.


Sumer is icumen in
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
and springþ þe wode nu.
Sing cuccu!

Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu,
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke verteþ.
Murie sing cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu,
Wel singes þu cuccu.
ne swik þu naver nu!
Sing cuccu nu, Sing cuccu!

    Sing me, sing you, sing cuccu too...

    The world goes swift around
    On an axis that shifts instant;
    Sometimes it seems sound
    that only change is constant.

    Dreams are hard to share
    Being so personal a metaphor;
    For our needs that need care
    Are the why that dreams are for.

    Your time is not anyone else's,
    So allot your hours as you may.
    Call it a virtue to be selfish --
    If that new self meets others halfway.

    Longings deferred be not longings denied,
    Long distances need not estrange --
    A walk on your path can be tried,
    But only my own can I change.

    Groweth sed, and bloweth med,
    and springst the world anew.
    Spring and summer are coming, she said:
    In season, let our own selves come true.

Life is all about timing...
the unreachable becomes reachable,
the unavailable become available,
the unattainable... attainable.
Have the patience, wait it out.
It's all about timing.

-Stacey Charter

Back to work.
netpositive: (firehand)
Adjust your circumstances to suit your nature.
-Cary Tennis
    Over the weekend, I had a moment of connection with
    the divine.

    What, you think that makes you special?

    I have had them, though they've been too rare recently, and
    generally been achieved with effort rather than spontaneous.

    Shouldn't it just happen? If you're trying, maybe you're trying too hard.
    Or maybe you're just imagining things.


    This one, though, felt a little different than the others.

    Granted, I was in a position where it was possible to happen.
    But that is often the case, as I seek out things that nourish
    me when I struggle. So: I was outdoors, with music and a book,
    in a crowd but separated enough. Still, I wasn't trying at all.

    Instead, I felt the universe *trying* *around me*. I felt it
    nudge here, shift there, and click into place for a moment.

    How incredibly ego-centric of you.

    I'm just saying that instead of random or forced, it was...
    "Welcome back. Visit more often. I'm here waiting for you."

    Come on. The universe is blind.

    How can it be blind, when it sees through so many eyes?

    If spirituality is one's personal, private experience
    of the divine, is religion that same experience shared
    across a community? Does the communal always change (or
    destroy) the personal, or can it actually enhance it?

    Since then, cheerfulness, competency, learning, usefulness
    mixed up with tired, grumpy, boredom and lack of ambition.
    Typical material existence ups and downs.

    No, not that special. You wouldn't know me if you saw me;
    I look just like everybody else.

    But value any glimpse of a world outside -- world ahead.


    Thanks for the half-nightmare, Tir'na na Nogth.
    So: if the T-shirts are labels, and I had
    trouble getting them on and off, and I never
    found the one I wanted in time for the start of
    my Masquerade entry... how can I change my script?

Books I am reading right now:
_Memoirs of a Spiritual Outsider_ by Suzanne Clores
_Border Reminiscences_ by Randolph Marcy
_The World of Shamanism_ by Robert Walsh
_This Business of Concert Promotion and Touring_ by Waddell, Barnet, Berry
netpositive: (firehand)
noblesse oblige [féminin]

1. Quiconque prétend être noble doit
se conduire noblement.
2. On doit agir en conformité
avec la situation qu’on occupe,
avec la réputation qu’on s’est acquise.

Dictionnaire de l’Académie française

Happiness is that state of consciousness which
proceeds from the achievement of one's values.

-Ayn Rand
netpositive: (bluebells)
The best lesson you learn today will not be found
in the same old place. You are going to have to move
as far outside your comfort zone as you can stand to go
in order to get the nutritious input that your brain is
hungry for. Experimentation is the key to keeping yourself
sharp right now, so branch out and try out a few new tricks
you have been toying with. Through trial and error,
you will eventually perfect your technique and establish
a whole new best practice.

Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, 10/24/2007

    Lift one foot. Doesn't even have to go forward.
    Maybe lifting is all you can manage at first.


    I've been wanting out of these rat holes I'm dug into.

    If you don't have a shovel, use your claws.

    I've been waiting on people and places and things.

    Maybe they should be waiting on you instead.

    I judge myself not by what I am, but by what I do.

    That's what makes your not being busy, a real problem.

Someone who's been at the edge of your radar
for a very long time will suddenly move to the
center of your field of vision today. They want
your attention, and they want to inspire you.
If you give them a chance to make their case,
they just might. They are ready to prove to you
that what they have to offer isn't a correction --
it's a suggestion. Getting involved in a new venture
could give you the energy (and ego) boost you have been
looking for, so say 'yes' to a proposal.

Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, 11/21/2007

    Do imaginary characters count?

    We're just as real as everyone else.

    I started this post a month ago.
    It took a whole week just to go forward.
    Two more weeks to struggle, both inside and out.
    In the end, it took them a week to come back.
    A week. A whole week. Only a week.

    You're good as you are and you know it.
    Sure, support from others sure would be nice.
    Support from yourself, though, is essential.


    Yes, I am competitive -- even in some rather stupid ways.

    Get busy and stay busy a while, girl.
    You've still got a lot on your plate and
    you know there's always more struggle ahead.
    But don't forget to breathe, and to dream,
    and make more time for the rest of us.


    Thanks for the strong support, Tirna na Nog'th.
    Keep those words and images coming.
    I don't want to stop.
netpositive: (Default)
I'm trying to live a quiet, peaceful life
and stay out of trouble, and all it is, is
one thing after another.

Venus Ram[s]ey, Miss America 1944

(Thanks to technoshaman for the link.)
    I hope, I hope, I hope -- but
    I still don't know what to hope for.
    I just try to look forward. To tomorrow,
    or to this evening, or to this afternoon.
    Because I find if I don't look forward,
    I can't *go* forward.

    How do I reconcile that with being in this moment?

    Especially if it's a moment I don't want to be in.

    This is a great time to take another look
    at a person who tends to really annoy you.
    He or she has viewpoints that you have
    a hard time relating to -- but some of
    these opinions deserve your attention.
    Your disagreements about important issues
    may contain valuable lessons for you.
    If you can get past your emotional reactions,
    you might even find yourself changing your mind.
    This is all part of the process of learning
    how to think more objectively.

    -Yahoo! horoscope for Leo, May 1, 2007

    No, somehow, I don't think I'm going to become her.
    I'll stay my savage, secret selves, if you please,
    safely inside my soft shell made of ruby and crystal,
    the lost girl running in and out of time,
    the student with the deep-wrinkled forehead,
    the cat with the inconvenient soul.

    Look hard and you might see something.
    Try hard and you might actually do something.
    Or, you can just wait around for decay and death.
    Your choice. Not mine. Go on.
But the things that you see
ain't necessarily the things you can find...

Joe Jackson
netpositive: (frenchy)
Right Where You Are Sitting Now
-title of a book by Robert Anton Wilson
    I don't like being told what to do.

    Who do you think you are?

    But if I don't put it on my to do list,
    it may not get done.

    I don't like telling people what I want.

    Does it matter?

    But if I don't say anything, no one can know
    if I want connection.

    I don't like talking about myself.

    What if you find me narrow, or boring?

    What if I tell you too much? Is that worse?


    But if I don't share, what does that say?

    Sunshine in the backyard. How fleeting it is.
    The softness of belly fur on a burrowing nose.
    I now own two necklaces and a jeweled hair clip,
    but I'd trade them all to get my only ring back.
    Music makes me feel better, you can't even imagine.

    And I don't want to be too old to dance. Please.

"Becoming an Inner Environmentalist."

... Visualize your inner environment.
Is it cluttered with the debris of
old pain, impossible expectations, or
devaluing assumptions? Is it polluted
by the stench of resentment, envy, or
self-condemnation? If so, begin to
take out the trash! In your mind's eye,
dispose of unwanted and outdated
emotional rubbish in ways that feel
most freeing to you, even to the point
of tearing down and rebuilding the
entire garage if that seems to be the
right thing to do.

-Sue Patton Thoele
netpositive: (Default)
On listening to others:

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me and walked away.
I never saw him again.

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me graciously, and
wished me a good day in return.

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me profusely, and
the next day, there he was again.

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me curtly, and
the next day, he expected the other ear too.

I gave an ear to a friend.
The next day, he asked me
if he could help me by listening.

I gave an ear to a friend.
The next day, he asked me
the same questions I asked him.

I gave an ear to a friend.
The same day, he gave me his ear in turn,
and made sure we spoke the same language.

Who was the giver here?
What was the gift involved?
And what do you do with
the gifts you are given?

image behind cut )

I give my attention and understanding where
it will create the greatest results.
netpositive: (Default)
Breathe shallowly into your throat.
Breathe as if the air is sweet.
Breathe quietly.
Breathe in one nostril, out the other.
Breathe in and out.
Breathe out, then in.
Breathe as if the air is earth.
Breathe only through your mouth.
Breathe as if the air is water.
Breathe deeply with your lower diaphragm.
Breathe as if the air is fire.
Breathe slowly through your whole body.
Breathe as if the air is spirit.
Hold your breath.
Breathe as if your lungs are missing.
Breathe up and down.
Breathe as if you are someone else.
Breathe loudly.
Breathe raggedly.
Breathe for me.
Breathe.
Don't forget.
netpositive: (Default)
The feet on the path are all mine.

Focus on each step, no matter how small.

    Some things that happen in a week:

    Text behind cut )

    I want to be.
    I want to be great.
    I want to dance better.
    I want to live healthier.
    I want to be happy at work.
    I want to be better organized.
    I want to see friends more often.
    I want to listen to a lot of music.
    I want to be both seen *and* heard.
    I want to be actively listened to.
    I want to take care of myself first.
    I want to take more days off work.
    I want to have better connection.
    I want more of what I want.
    I want to be considered.
    I want to play more.
    I want who I want.
    I want to dream.
    I want light.
    I want to.
    I want.
    I need.
    I am.
Just for today I will take a compliment
and hold it in my heart for more than just
a fleeting moment. I will let it nurture me.
netpositive: (window)
Begin to consider what you can do
just this week, just today, just this hour.
How small do you need to make the time frame
in order to feel positive? Don't worry about
details; focus on just one baby step. What can
you accomplish in the next five minutes?

Move your body; narrow your focus; take action.
    Some things that happen in a weekend:

    Carry-out Cincinnati chili with sour cream.
    A glass of amaretto w/peach schnapps.
    Watching part of a favorite videotape.
    Get solid sleep. Emergency laundry time.
    See a brace of films by Orson Welles.
    Greeting some old friends in passing.
    Review new search engine documentation.
    Steam is rising off the Potomac River.
    Out dancing to a rare appearance by a
    traditional big band at Glen Echo -
    go through three shirts, two towels,
    lots of trips to the water fountain, and
    a life-saving bottle of berry Gatorade.
    Meet up late-night with an Oreo milkshake.
    Sun-dry sheets while walking to Courthouse
    for some iced chai. Continue with laundry.
    Plan for an hour of yard work (with water).
    Work on summary documents for presentation
    on the e-gov standards usability testing.
    Color hair. Get ready for this busy week of
    training + work + home + life. Pet cats.

    Let's take July one step at a time.
Fear comes with the territory.
Stop thinking that fear must vanish
before you can start a project. Fear
is part of life. You'll hear it when
you're perched on your growing edge.
Tilt your head to listen -- and then
press on. Demystify the fear by saying,
'There's the same old fear sitting on my shoulder.
I'll just go about my business.'

from _Stress Reduction for Busy People_
netpositive: (Default)
This idea came via Dave Hogg,
who got it in turn from dmmaus.

Rules:

  1. Start just outside your front door.

  2. Take 100 steps.

  3. Take a photo of whatever looks interesting.

  4. Take another 100 steps, take another photo.

  5. Repeat until you have walked at least 1000 steps, more if you wish.

  6. Post photos with comments.


Tips:
* Try to mix it up a bit. Streetscapes, landscapes, interiors, candid portraits, close ups, etc.
* Bend the rules if you want.

I often mention my walk to work
in the mornings in my LJ, so I hope
this view of some of the things I see
may be an interesting window for you
into a part of my time and space...
Links to pictures, captions, and explanations... )
netpositive: (sato)
I connect with the Universe on many levels.
    I am grateful to you who are my friends.
    You tender me your advice, support, concern, sharing.
    You teach me new things and help me rediscover old ones.
    You give me your laughter, but you understand my tears.
    You are sound in the darkness, and a hand in isolation.
    I may not always reach out or listen closely,
    but I know who's out there.

With friends you grow wings.
Alone
you are a single feather in disgrace.
With them you master the wind
but alone,
you're blown in all directions.

-Rumi
netpositive: (Default)
I am astonished, disappointed, and pleased
with myself. I am depressed and rapturous. I am
all this at once and cannot add up the sum.

-Carl Jung
    Woman warrior / Lost child.
    Compassionate friend / Wounded soul.
    Creative artist / Pleasure seeker.
    Brainy kid / Unworldly spirit.
    Great pretender / Torturous troublemaker.
    Code enforcer / Unsympathetic jailkeeper.

    In pigments, all colors create black.
    But in lights, all colors create white.
    At all times, I can choose a medium to work in.
    One person's luxury is another person's necessity.
    Things you could perhaps live without, I cannot.
    Oh, I understand the limitations of reality. And yet,
    I dream.

I am a person of talent, skill, worth and value.

I deserve abundance in all areas of my life.

I maintain myself in good health and spirits.

I am learning to give myself what I need.
netpositive: (Default)
A good daily exercise for soul loss would be
to stare at something in creation until it
begins to stare back.

Edward Hays in The Ladder
    Here's looking at you, kid.

    I am the lion stalking along the path.
    I am the tiger lurking in the cave.
    I am the cheetah posing on the hill.
    I am the bobcat baring its teeth.
    I am the housecat curled up on the bed.
    I am the serval disappearing into the undergrowth.

    I am the oak to lean upon.
    I am the cherry to bear fruit.
    I am the willow to weep under.
    I am the maple to climb up into.
    I am the spruce to survive winter.
    I am the dogwood to blossom forth.

    I am a half-finished building with harsh work lights.
    I am an old orange tractor in a newly cut pasture.
    I am a textured cubicle wall above a litebrite carpet.
    I am a nearby bookstore filled with French cafe music.
    I am ground drenched by rain, grass ruffled by wind.
    I am the terror of falling, and the transport of flying.

    I look at you looking at me.
    I find I become more than myself
    when I can share with you.
As long as you derive inner help
and comfort from anything,
keep it.

-Mahatma Gandhi
netpositive: (Default)
I've discovered that the purpose of keeping
a journal is not to record what has happened
but to create what will happen.

-"Spiritcat"
    This has been my intention all along.
    I always fully acknowledge the past,
    all my mistakes and all my successes,
    but I am also living fully in the present,
    and I am also looking forward to the future.

    These entries are me in full cry.
    They address amazon, healer, stargazer,
    intellect, trickster, judge, and center.
    In them I maintain, reach out, look up,
    think through, trifle with, and mediate.
I possess complete ability to express
my feelings, thoughts and intentions in
all my relationships, and I express myself wisely.
    If I don't tell others what I feel,
    they will never know.
    If I don't show others what I think,
    they will never understand.
    I know I am capable of great things, including
    love, hate, strength, pain, trust, anger, and joy.
    I listen attentively to all those I care for -
    to know and understand, to resolve or accept.

    But if I want to be heard, first I must find a voice.
I have the right and responsibility
to express my anger and remain loved,
and I take responsibility to clean up any mess
and restore harmony when appropriate.
netpositive: (frenchy)
-with respect for, or apology to, four people.

I am a unique and priceless person.
You are also a unique and priceless person.
    You asked me to share part of your life.
    You arranged it to share part of mine.
    You let me close when you never thought you would.
    You let me close when I never thought I could.

    You wrote me a song,
    you read all my stories,
    you responded to my words in posts,
    and you helped me see things in a new way.

    You have too many commitments -
    you have a lot of differing interests -
    you feel so deeply sometimes it gets in the way -
    you wonder quietly if what you feel is even enough.

    You have blind spots, dark closets, blank areas, and empty spaces.
    As do I. Sometimes I may lose sight, lose track, lose faith -
    even lose myself.

    I am warrior, empath, dramatist, logician, strategist, and critic.
    I sleep tame by the fireside. I run wild in the dark. I am alive.

    Together we may share visions,
    open doors over time,
    reconquer lost territory,
    and create new worlds.

    In the midst of the mundane, always remember the numinous.
I have a rich collection of friends who value my qualities.

I forgive myself for hurting myself and others.

I face all problems with courage and creativity.

Growth and change in my intimate relationships
is always directed toward good.
netpositive: (Default)
    Rocks are both strong and weak.

    Diamond may cut gypsum -- but can also be shattered.

    Rocks may remain the same, or may change.

    Crystals can range from transparent to opaque.
    Rubies can have many facets, yet only one center.
    Shells can be polished, carven, or tumbled.

    Rocks may have flaws.

    Flaws in quartz create semi-precious gemstones.
    Impurities in chrysoberyl are transmuted by the
    chemical bonding and the character of light to
    form multi-colored, mutable-colored alexandrite.

    Rock is. I am. We are.
Just for today I will be vulnerable with someone I trust.

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netpositive: (Default)
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