netpositive: (bloodylane)
Miles looked up at his father. "Did... I do
the right thing, sir? Last night?"

"Yes," said the count simply. "A right thing.
Perhaps not the best of all possible right things.
Three days from now you may think of a clever tactic,
but you were my man on the ground at the time. I try
not to second-guess my field commanders."

Miles' heart rose in his aching chest for the
first time since he'd left Kyril Island.

Miles and Aral Vorkosigan, _The Vor Game_
    I've reached out to other people.
    Now I need to reach myself.

    If I've seen or talked to you recently,
    know that I cared enough to do that,
    and that you do matter to me. But
    there needs to be a right me
    for you to matter to.

    I said something I needed to you,
    and the world did not end.
    Thank you for listening.
    Thank you for touching me.
Take a moment to remember WHY creating something
fills your soul or spirit.

-Marianne Mullen

    The entire point of dreams filled with trivia is:
    Hey! Your dreams are filled with trivia.
    Either wake up, or get new dreams.
It's not the writing part that's hard.
It's sitting down to write.

Stephen Pressfield, _The War of Art_
netpositive: (Default)
Poor little dreamer
Stand inside the door
You can't find the easy rhymes
Of times you had before--

-Heart, "Cry to Me"

Danced with the right people last night
at contra, even the ones I didn't know.
The ones I did? Thank you -- bless you.
    I dreamed last night I was the last
    passenger on a jet plane with 16 cabins
    which varied wildly in accommodation.

    Fourteen passengers were already on board.
    split evenly between friends and allies
    and so there were only two cabins left
    for me to choose from.

    One was the smallest, just a white closet.

    The other was the largest, with controls,
    monitors, and a VHS deck containing a tape
    labeled "Safety Procedures for This Flight".

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a hard slap in the face.

The glass is empty and the wine
Is bitter on your tongue
People don't seen wild and fine
Like when you were young--


In other news, I forgot how warm snowboard socks are.
But how I hate cold and dark months ending in -ember?
That part, full well I remember.

But I also remembered to take my vitamins this morning.

Dancing encourages hyperventilation, increases the
production of adrenaline, and causes a sharp decrease in
levels of blood glucose. These physiological responses
stimulate the brain to release endorphins...

-Barbara Tedlock, _The Woman in the Shaman's Body_
netpositive: (frenchy)
I hate going to the vet so much, my family has asked
the lady who I would probably like if she wasn't a vet
to come by and see me in an hour or so. So my catfriend
Reggie the Balinista is gonna steal Mom's password and
put this message from me in her journal, for Mom to see
my last words whenever she misses me in the future.


So, What Is Mom Like? [cut for sad] )
netpositive: (frenchy)
She was an old lady even when she was young.

She was born cranky, and she always wanted to be an only cat. But she got used to us over time (if still barely tolerating the other cats) and slowly she figured out it was all right for her to get on our beds, and to enjoy petting.

Her favorite meal was chicken. Though turkey, beef, salmon, lamb vindaloo, etc. were all okay with her too. As was gooshy food of all types. As were crunchy treats. But her favorite was chicken.

*pause*

I regret to inform you that the Dowager Empress Skye has taken her leave now, in search of new socks to slay.

Her last meal was chicken.
netpositive: (frenchy)
That's me in the corner,
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion

-R.E.M.
    I already knew, but it was also the very first thing
    I heard on the radio as I got into the car.

    Driving home tonight was about as creepy a trip
    as I've ever taken. Lights were all too bright,
    cars were far too close. I had to turn the radio
    down twice, and then completely off.

    It seemed like people were driving worse than usual.
    Then I noticed the 14th Street Bridge goes over water.
    I'm so used to going over it, it seldom registers now,
    but it did tonight. And the disabled cars, with people
    standing so close to traffic doing 50+ mph. And planes
    flying low overhead. And... and...

    And my chest is hurting because I'm still breathing,
    but barely, head and heart both arguing with lungs
    and intestines. Long pauses between short breaths, and
    a painful pit in the bottom of my stomach, telling me:
    "And someday, you know, that will be you. Someday."

    No, it's not me. Not yet. I'm still alive, for now.
    But you never know, do you. Who, what, where, when.

    So often, I don't know how you other people do it.
    How do you live daily with the terror that someday,
    you'll die? Feeling that there is no one standing
    between you and eternity? Worrying there is never
    enough time, and seeing what you've already wasted?
    Knowing that whenever life stops -- then you lose?

    I hate being so afraid of death, what feels like
    all the time. Sometimes I feel like it goes away.
    I go days, weeks, months without dwelling on it.

    And then something happens, to bring it all back.

    Or worse. And yes, this is about me, but it's also
    me thinking about death and anger and grief and loss
    and how you handle it. And me mourning the tragedy of
    someone I met in person for a brief moment years ago,
    but whose work I have admired for over two decades.

    No, I don't want to be just waiting here for death.
    Yes, I do want to live. And I don't want to die.
    But sometimes, I find myself losing the way.
    And so often, I'm so scared.


R.I.P.
Daniel Benoit, 2000-2007
Nancy Daus Benoit, 1964-2007
Chris Benoit, 1967-2007
netpositive: (firehand)
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
-Shelley
    Lives are changing all around me. Marriages,
    births, big moves, and the occasional death, too.

    My life changes so quietly. I'm too close to see.
    I don't celebrate things in a big way. I can be
    often grateful for the tiniest things in my life,
    but I have no grand memories. The hazard of living
    kaizen, or of practicing wu-wei -- no markers, no
    monuments, no pedestal of Ozymandius. Only a path
    receding back dimly, and moving off forward, into
    a hazy distance.

    Happy with where I am? Yes, it's better than it was,
    I am scared or angry less often, enjoying more.

    Happy with what I am? Yes, the more I see of other people,
    the more gifted and lucky I realize I am.

    Happy with who I am? Yes, but I still want to be more.

    A long time ago, a friend read a long list of
    "I want"
    and mentioned that I was missing the word
    "hope".

    One question I'm having: What should I hope for?
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

-Coleridge
netpositive: (iconnerific)
...because it's breaking.
-The Tin Woodsman

Frenchy's kidney disease just... accelerated.

helpless feelings of loss )
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Accroches-toi a ton reve
Quand tu vois ton bateau partir
Quand tu sents -- ton coeur se briser
Accroches-toi a ton reve.

-ELO
netpositive: (iconnerific)
Look at your own circumstances. Ask yourself
if there is an unimagined source of strength
that you can tap into. Look toward the future.
Imagine a time in which you have widened
a place for yourself and have flourished
through your difficulties.

Daily Om
    I'm trying to breathe.
    I'm trying to breathe.
    I'm trying to breathe.

    I know I'm needed, I know I'm useful.
    But am I valued? Time is telling.
    It takes so many people to be me.
    I want to work and play. Help me.

    I've been trying to look up again.
    Sometimes I see the sun.
    Sometimes I see the moon.
    Sometimes I see the ceiling.
    At least I can still open my eyes.

    I'm trying to breathe. Where is the air?
Some people get crazy,
some people get lazy,
some people get hazy,
some people get out--

Joe Jackson
netpositive: (firehand)
Just remember that those things that get attention flourish.
-Victoria Moran
    Breathe, eat, drink, think.
    Work, dance, home, sleep.

    No, I don't mind more learning, but
    I'd like more living along with it.

    Image and text behind cut )

    I'm not invisible -- but you still have to look.
Our duty is not to see through one another,
but to see one another.

-Leonard Sweet
netpositive: (Default)
On listening to others:

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me and walked away.
I never saw him again.

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me graciously, and
wished me a good day in return.

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me profusely, and
the next day, there he was again.

I gave an ear to a friend.
He thanked me curtly, and
the next day, he expected the other ear too.

I gave an ear to a friend.
The next day, he asked me
if he could help me by listening.

I gave an ear to a friend.
The next day, he asked me
the same questions I asked him.

I gave an ear to a friend.
The same day, he gave me his ear in turn,
and made sure we spoke the same language.

Who was the giver here?
What was the gift involved?
And what do you do with
the gifts you are given?

image behind cut )

I give my attention and understanding where
it will create the greatest results.
netpositive: (window)
Invoke often. Banish often.

Pictures behind cut... )

Before you go to sleep tonight, carve
a doorway in the darkness with your mind.
Be sure to visualize the approximate situation
you wish to encounter on the other side.
netpositive: (window)
Who looks outside dreams;
who looks inside, awakes.

-Carl Jung
    Is this sympathetic magic?

    Whenever you find something you don't like,
    write it down and throw it into the trash.
    By doing this, you are telling the universe,
    "I want to be done with this problem, please
    help me work through it and be done with it."

    Something to try...
When you arise in the morning, think
of what a precious privilege it is to be alive
- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

-Marcus Aurelius
netpositive: (stojko)
... you have to do it all. No shortcuts.
-a Crone who was nameless,
quoted in a post by cindygerb

    Asking for help is hard.
    I should know.
    All one can do is try
    to make things better.
    A hand out can work.
    But the other person
    has to offer at least
    one hand in return.

I am grateful for my gifts.
netpositive: (Default)
Outside a garden, looking in )
    Please return
    my connection with the divine.

    Let me see each day my life is
    filled with wonders and magic.
    I look up and out, struggling
    to lights found in the darkness.
    Let me hear all your voices now
    calling me inside, calling me home.

    Breathe and beat, beat and breathe.

    Let me move in your grace
    or just lie still, surrendering self
    in trust and complete faith.
    Let me feel far beyond when we touch,
    hands the boundary for the body - but
    skin no more a barrier than air.

    Bend and break. Ground and center.

    Look up. Look out.

    Please return my connection
    with the divine.
netpositive: (sato)
I connect with the Universe on many levels.
    I am grateful to you who are my friends.
    You tender me your advice, support, concern, sharing.
    You teach me new things and help me rediscover old ones.
    You give me your laughter, but you understand my tears.
    You are sound in the darkness, and a hand in isolation.
    I may not always reach out or listen closely,
    but I know who's out there.

With friends you grow wings.
Alone
you are a single feather in disgrace.
With them you master the wind
but alone,
you're blown in all directions.

-Rumi
netpositive: (Default)
I ask for help when I need it.
    I interact easily and positively
    with other people; therefore, people
    love working with me. I do strive for
    understanding and consensus, but I am
    also willing to make difficult decisions.

    I have the strengths and skills to do
    all the things I need to do in my life.

    I give myself full credit for what I know
    and what I am still learning.
    I easily accept challenges and take risks.
    I know I am always worthwhile and capable
    even though I will sometimes make mistakes
    or simply feel out of my depth at other times.

    I am willing to face my fear of failure.

    I am willing to try.
I accept support when I need it.

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netpositive: (Default)
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