netpositive: (firehand)
And the truth might be just a little too sour for
You, you don’t, you can’t, you won’t, you will
From the house up on the hill
Where time begs the truth to tell
And the clocks demand that time will run the show
And truth has found that there ain't nowhere to go
But hide among the shadows of the lies, the lies
We told

Bronze Radio Return, "The Truth"
    It's important.

    I'm tired of it not being important.

    I'm sick of being told what I should think
    is important.

    You don't know me. You don't know.
Give the gift of your absence to those
who do not appreciate your presence.

-Marc and Angel Hack Life
    Sometimes I don't realize how hungry or thirsty I am,
    until I have a little meat, until I drink some juice.

    Sometimes I don't know I still am.

    If you knew. If you knew.
If my wings should fail me, Lord,
Please meet me with another pair

Led Zeppelin, "In My Time of Dying"
netpositive: (firehand)
[No actual coworkers were harmed or upset in the making
of this dream. This is only partially about work, after all.]


I dreamed this morning that "they" killed one of my coworkers.
Officially he "fell", but several of us figured he was pushed
because we saw him wrestled away from the balcony before he
could speak. "They" instantly replaced him with someone new
who cheerfully spouted what "they" wanted to hear rather than
doing difficult work to fix or change things.

One coworker, who had been close friends with the victim,
fell completely apart, sobbing in my arms. I was trying to
help and hide her in case they might go after her too.

Then things shifted slightly... and I was parking further away
from work, in a rather hidden spot in an underground garage.
I noticed I was wearing a specific T-shirt [a meaningful but
uncomfortably constructed one that I haven't worn in years -
however, I saw it a week ago when I pulled out its sister shirt
for my first solo takeoff and landing]
and so on my way in
I started looking around for a more suitable shirt, but no one
had noticed I wasn't dressed right.

At least before I woke up.

Would the death of hope hurt less if it hadn't been given a voice?

At least my first impulse seems to have been to worry about someone else
in more trouble, rather than myself.

Would you have still said what you did if you knew what I was thinking?

One of the leftovers from my childhood is that I don't like surprises.

Do I change my shirt, or do I walk away?


Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th disappears right under your feet.
netpositive: (bloodylane)
Have you heard of "conjugating adjectives" in English?

I'm thrifty; you're frugal; he's cheap.
I'm assertive; you're aggressive; she's pushy.


This postholder is possibly about declining nouns.

One person's rescue is another person's escape.
Someone's dream job may be someone else's nightmare.


Sometimes, you do the right thing -- and it doesn't work.
From a particular reference point, looking up may only mean
straight ahead, but it's still a change in point of view.

Trying to reframe this... but it's not easy.

Don't take it personally. Try giving it away instead.

Just another poor boy off to fight a rich man's war

I dreamed last night. Then I woke up and remembered it.

Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a pattern you can walk.
But first you have to find your feet. Then you have to move.
netpositive: (firehand)
The most beautiful thing we can experience is
the mysterious. It is the source of all true art
and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger,
who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

-Albert Einstein

While gaining physical and then psychological self-confidence over time,
I seem to have lost emotional self-confidence along the way.

Sometimes learned behavior still doesn't help.

Please connect me with something.

In and out quick, a cowboy.
-a character in the Illuminatus! trilogy
netpositive: (iconnerific)
The coincidence of a vague physical resemblance
followed by an accidental but absolute audio replica
brings up a vibrant ghost from the past...
    Sometimes,
    I close my eyes,
    and I just hear your voice.

    Frightening,
    the power of sound,
    after all this time apart.

    I could never explain to others
    how so many of your questions got answers,
    how the simplest of words complicated everything.

    Repeating
    the vowels in your last name,
    I know nothing has changed except the calendar.

    Pain may drain away.
    But anger - and hunger - stay.

    I paid.
    Still, I do regret
    not always doing right by you.

    Sometimes,
    I close my eyes,
    and I just hear your voice.

    Every night,
    I close my eyes.
netpositive: (Default)
Fruit juice everywhere...
-Thomas Dolby
    The swallows and the starlings return, but
    are only pinpricks hovering high in a cold blue sky.
    A icy March wind passes through me while flying north,
    chilling face and hands, driving spring into retreat.

    I drop my eyes from the horizon to the ground.
    I drop all expectations from my point of view.
    I narrow my field of vision, I focus on what is,
    reducing the journey to a single step at a time.
    I watch myself putting one foot in front of the other.
Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.

-Kahlil Gibran
    I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings.
    I am responsible for my needs.
    I am responsible for myself.
    I take care of myself.
    I have within myself the answers to all my needs.
    I can fill all my needs
    if I am willing to pay the price.
Many of us are on this journey together
and yet we are separated, for whatever reasons.
We feel lost, with no direction or guidance on
what we are to do next. We are fearful of
taking a risk and reaching out... afraid that
we will be abandoned or rejected along the way.
So we choose to keep to ourselves and miss out
on the opportunities our life holds before us.
This is not an easy journey.

HopeAllianz Counseling

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February 2013

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