netpositive: (bloodylane)
Miles looked up at his father. "Did... I do
the right thing, sir? Last night?"

"Yes," said the count simply. "A right thing.
Perhaps not the best of all possible right things.
Three days from now you may think of a clever tactic,
but you were my man on the ground at the time. I try
not to second-guess my field commanders."

Miles' heart rose in his aching chest for the
first time since he'd left Kyril Island.

Miles and Aral Vorkosigan, _The Vor Game_
    I've reached out to other people.
    Now I need to reach myself.

    If I've seen or talked to you recently,
    know that I cared enough to do that,
    and that you do matter to me. But
    there needs to be a right me
    for you to matter to.

    I said something I needed to you,
    and the world did not end.
    Thank you for listening.
    Thank you for touching me.
Take a moment to remember WHY creating something
fills your soul or spirit.

-Marianne Mullen

    The entire point of dreams filled with trivia is:
    Hey! Your dreams are filled with trivia.
    Either wake up, or get new dreams.
It's not the writing part that's hard.
It's sitting down to write.

Stephen Pressfield, _The War of Art_
netpositive: (firehand)
[No actual coworkers were harmed or upset in the making
of this dream. This is only partially about work, after all.]


I dreamed this morning that "they" killed one of my coworkers.
Officially he "fell", but several of us figured he was pushed
because we saw him wrestled away from the balcony before he
could speak. "They" instantly replaced him with someone new
who cheerfully spouted what "they" wanted to hear rather than
doing difficult work to fix or change things.

One coworker, who had been close friends with the victim,
fell completely apart, sobbing in my arms. I was trying to
help and hide her in case they might go after her too.

Then things shifted slightly... and I was parking further away
from work, in a rather hidden spot in an underground garage.
I noticed I was wearing a specific T-shirt [a meaningful but
uncomfortably constructed one that I haven't worn in years -
however, I saw it a week ago when I pulled out its sister shirt
for my first solo takeoff and landing]
and so on my way in
I started looking around for a more suitable shirt, but no one
had noticed I wasn't dressed right.

At least before I woke up.

Would the death of hope hurt less if it hadn't been given a voice?

At least my first impulse seems to have been to worry about someone else
in more trouble, rather than myself.

Would you have still said what you did if you knew what I was thinking?

One of the leftovers from my childhood is that I don't like surprises.

Do I change my shirt, or do I walk away?


Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th disappears right under your feet.
netpositive: (firehand)
A genuine work of art must mean many things.
The truer its art, the more things it will mean.

-George MacDonald
    This afternoon I stood in the yard in the rain.

    There was earth and stone, cool wind and breath,
    water in drops and blasts and broken sheets.

    And small -- so small - sparks of fire, burning
    like navigational stars in a lost universe.

    And there are still flower petals on the car,
    after the deluge, as the storms move on.

    The divine should not be somewhere out there.
    The divine should be in here.

    Come back to me.
    Or let me go.
    Or find me here, and take me there.
"How should I turn back, with no boat,
here on the edge of the world?"
"This the edge of the world? No, that is
farther on. We may yet come to it."

-Ursula K. LeGuin, _The Farthest Shore_
netpositive: (frenchy)
Do you notice how sensitive you are to your feelings
and the feelings of others when you realize you’re in love
and it doesn’t look like it will work out?

-Carol Chanel
    Don't look at yourself in the mirror.
    Look at what is reflected in the mirror,
    if you wonder what I see.

    If you don't wonder? Then I don't care.
That’s the last thing we need more of –
things that don’t fuel our light, our life,
and our happiness.

-Betsy Cross via Stan Faryna
    I dreamed last night that someone
    stole my wallet, drained my bank account,
    and maxed out my credit cards.

    You were there.

    I can be vulnerable with someone I trust,
    but you have to *be* that person.

    Or not.

    Dear Tir'na Na Nogth,
    I can't run away from home
    if I don't know where it is.
    And I don't know where I'm going -
    Only that I'm not there. At all.

    Forever yours in Amber,
    Conscious
Keep the lines of communication open at all times.
Yeah, right.
netpositive: (sato)
I'd like to go to Italy
Just to eat the food
Just to drink the wine
Just to go

-Patty Larkin, "Italy"
    So, this post is not about Italy. It's about Japan.

    A friend recently commented that he didn't think of me
    as a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl. :) I was entertained
    because that's close what I think of as my "normal state",
    but this friend has generally seen me (1) in contexts where
    I should be wearing fancier clothes, or (2) when I'm cold
    and wearing sweater or sweatshirt -- which are often hiding
    a T-shirt.

    (1) involves everything from work to dancing, and I get as
    close as I can to social norms without sacrificing too much
    to fashion; (2) includes everything under, say, 65 degrees.

    But I have certain T-shirts that between physical comfort
    and emotional meaning, I come back to again and again. Some
    of them are so worn and tattered now that I only unfold and
    don them for "special occasions". Others hang in there -- or
    more precisely, don't hang because they often get yanked out
    of the clean laundry basket before folding even occurs.

    Two of them involve Japan in some way, which is why this post
    comes out in this particular way and this particular time.

    I went to Japan in Aug. 2007. Not to go to the Worldcon in
    Yokohama (just like I went to Los Angeles in 1996 not to go
    to Worldcon). As Patty Larkin would say, "Just to go."

    Just to be.

    I've lost my luggage in the Tokyo subway locker system;
    bought a CD from a band named Hanamizuki playing free on
    Minato-Mirai plaza; seen The Great Sasuke and Ultimo Dragon
    performing at Korakuen Hall; stood in the Ghibli Museum
    wearing my Princess Mononoke T-shirt; and climbed to a peak
    of Daisetsuzan, aka the "Roof of Hokkaido".

    And:

    I've used the Internet to discover the best "jingisukan"
    in Sapporo, and Lonely Planet to locate its two sublime
    ramen-noodle alleys; stopped over in Tomokomai because of
    a poster for an exhibition of matchbox art; experienced
    shinkansen and subways, ryokans and train sleeping cars,
    but did not try a capsule hotel; and discovered "umeshuu".

    And:

    I've chatted with train conductors, zookeepers, members of
    art museums, convenience store attendants, early morning
    sushi aficionados, temple attendants, and more: I, in my
    stumbling Japanese, them practicing English eagerly in turn.

    And:

    I've been to Sendai. I have a picture of the train station
    sign for Hachinohe because I loved its kanji. I've walked
    the streets of Aomori, provided crazy gaijin amusement for
    their police dept., and had to eat a "tako doonatsu" that
    my kosher-eating companion bought by mistake while he was
    still catching up to me on transliterating and translating.

    My language is rusty again, and my bottle of umeshuu is just
    about empty, but my expired rail pass is still in my backpack.
    For I do miss that alien self, adrift in a stranger's world.

    Clad in a T-shirt, and jeans.

    So, my Japan: never #1 on my list of places I'd want to live
    (that'd be a slightly smaller island known as "the Big Island"),
    but in the top 3. Because I never expect to "belong" anywhere,
    and I would even tell you I don't like to travel... just to be.

    Even now.

    So, send help if you can. Or at least a positive thought or two.

I'd like to go to Japan
So my passport would look used
Just to change my point of view
Just to go

-me, paraphrasing Patty

Donations:
Direct Relief International for the people and places
American Humane Association for injured/abandoned animals
netpositive: (Default)

I realized then that I who thought I had complete control
of my life, had control of only three things: my thought, my mind –
the images that these thoughts created – and the action that derived
from it. So here I was wallowing in a vortex of emotions and depression
and what have you, with the enormity of the situation, wanting to go to
a place of healing, health and happiness. I wanted to go from where I was
to where I wanted to be, for which I needed something. I needed something
that would pull me out of all this. So I dried my tears, and I declared to
the world at large... I said, "X is only one page in my life, and I will not
allow this page to impact the rest of my life."

I also declared to the world at large that I would ride it out, and
I would not allow X to ride me. But to go from where I was to where I
wanted to be, I needed something. I needed an anchor, an image, a peg
to peg this process on, so that I could go from there. And I found that
in my dance, my dance, my strength, my energy, my passion, my very life breath.


-Ananda Shankar Jayant, TED video
    Feet? Check. Hands? Check. Brain? Check.

    Will the real me please stand up? Oh, there you are...

    I think. But I feel the Big Cat Blues.

Imagine a lion walking around affirming – I’m king of the jungle,
I’m king of the jungle. And yet this is exactly what people are doing
with positive affirmations most of the time. The lion’s very nature is
that it is a lion. Being king of the jungle is mostly an idea.

Fortunately lions are not as confused as human beings. Lions mostly
walk around being lions without suffering from being disconnected from
themselves and having a bunch of ideas about who or what they should be.

The most affirming experience we humans can have is to land in
our true nature. A moment of perceiving the real is more powerful
than a lifetime of words. Well intentioned, but misguided efforts
at positive affirmations would be better spent in learning how to
settle down and allow what is truly real in us arise into consciousness.

The world is abundant. Life is on our side. We are awesome and wonderful.
It’s the true state of affairs. If we can’t see it, then the more productive
course of action is to explore – why not. Trying to convince ourselves that
the sky is blue when, in fact, the sky is blue – is crazy behavior.

As the saying goes – the only way out is through. Explore the deficiencies,
the hidden beliefs. Open them up to the light of awareness. The truth will
set us free. The false dissolves. Only the real remains.


John, in Open Secrets
    Do you ride the lion, or does it ride you?

    I need more words, more music, more dance, my voice.

    I want to go to the end of my world -- my jungle.

    I would like to walk around being a lion, and
    not worrying about being king or not.

    I intend to stretch.
netpositive: (Default)
Poor little dreamer
Stand inside the door
You can't find the easy rhymes
Of times you had before--

-Heart, "Cry to Me"

Danced with the right people last night
at contra, even the ones I didn't know.
The ones I did? Thank you -- bless you.
    I dreamed last night I was the last
    passenger on a jet plane with 16 cabins
    which varied wildly in accommodation.

    Fourteen passengers were already on board.
    split evenly between friends and allies
    and so there were only two cabins left
    for me to choose from.

    One was the smallest, just a white closet.

    The other was the largest, with controls,
    monitors, and a VHS deck containing a tape
    labeled "Safety Procedures for This Flight".

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a hard slap in the face.

The glass is empty and the wine
Is bitter on your tongue
People don't seen wild and fine
Like when you were young--


In other news, I forgot how warm snowboard socks are.
But how I hate cold and dark months ending in -ember?
That part, full well I remember.

But I also remembered to take my vitamins this morning.

Dancing encourages hyperventilation, increases the
production of adrenaline, and causes a sharp decrease in
levels of blood glucose. These physiological responses
stimulate the brain to release endorphins...

-Barbara Tedlock, _The Woman in the Shaman's Body_
netpositive: (Default)
Switch off the mind and let the heart decide
who you were meant to be
Flick to remote and let the body glide,
there is no enemy
Etch out a future of your own design,
well tailored to your needs
Then fan the flame and keep the dream alive
of a continent, a continent, a continent, a continent...

-Thomas Dolby
    If I were a believer in omens, this morning I
    missed the bus *and* the elevator to work is broken.

    And then, the cursor on my laptop froze in place.

    And I'm thirsty. Still so thirsty.

If you have not yet succeeded on an inward journey,
be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. Gently let
yourself go deeper. Whatever experience comes to you,
let it take you over. Welcome it. Relish it.

Goursana
netpositive: (Default)


Too long a cooped-up lionness --

    Every song I've mixed this year has been true, if you only knew.

There are rabies vaccination tags for cats who ran away --

    Even the ones you didn't hear me play a thousand times, thinking.

Ignorance is a kind of bliss --

netpositive: (Default)
Focus, Castle. It's a crime scene.
-Kate Beckett
    ... a secret out, a secret in.

    Break in, break out,
    but not break up,
    not break down.

    The brakes are off.
    The drive is on.

    Not broken, just the breaks.

    A secret out, a secret in...
Could we please focus, people... focus.
-Nathan Ford
netpositive: (Default)
A rendered transliteration of the Middle English original.
For those of you not conversant with ME, þ ~= some kind of th.


Sumer is icumen in
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
and springþ þe wode nu.
Sing cuccu!

Awe bleteþ after lomb,
Lhouþ after calue cu,
Bulluc sterteþ, bucke verteþ.
Murie sing cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu,
Wel singes þu cuccu.
ne swik þu naver nu!
Sing cuccu nu, Sing cuccu!

    Sing me, sing you, sing cuccu too...

    The world goes swift around
    On an axis that shifts instant;
    Sometimes it seems sound
    that only change is constant.

    Dreams are hard to share
    Being so personal a metaphor;
    For our needs that need care
    Are the why that dreams are for.

    Your time is not anyone else's,
    So allot your hours as you may.
    Call it a virtue to be selfish --
    If that new self meets others halfway.

    Longings deferred be not longings denied,
    Long distances need not estrange --
    A walk on your path can be tried,
    But only my own can I change.

    Groweth sed, and bloweth med,
    and springst the world anew.
    Spring and summer are coming, she said:
    In season, let our own selves come true.

Life is all about timing...
the unreachable becomes reachable,
the unavailable become available,
the unattainable... attainable.
Have the patience, wait it out.
It's all about timing.

-Stacey Charter

Back to work.
netpositive: (firehand)
... circumstances indicate that the path
to your destination twists and turns in a
bewildering way. Your insight, however,
can penetrate and make sense of confusion.

-definition, juxtaposition from Tarot.com
    Go to the bathroom first.
    Then drink deep from your mystical cup.
    Pry your ghost loose from its shell,
    and find a right space for your words.

    Point out the middle path, and
    reconcile the polarities. Bring
    creativity and flexibility to
    the way you go about your way
    in the world. Move slowly and
    deliberately if change is required.

    Don't be too proud to ask for someone's
    help. Sometimes you do get it.

    What kinds of negative messages,
    self-doubt or paranoid fantasies
    descend upon you from time to time?
    Don't let them undermine your ability
    to be who you are and to contribute.
    Examine them and give them each a name,
    and identify them as separate from you
    (imagining them as little demons can help).
    This will increase your dominion over them.

    Turn the page. Write the next line.
    Take my foot off the brake already!

    A path is traversed one step at a time.
    A navigator can help you find the way.
    Is it a lantern, or only an hourglass?

    Simon says: take a baby step, baby.
Why must we dream in metaphors?
Try to hold on to something we couldn't understand.

Seal
netpositive: (firehand)
We can talk all night, We can talk all day
We can play charades when there is nothing to say
You turn me on to the idea of growing old

The Features
    Assimilate your information.

    Do the thing you are meant to be doing.
    Yours. Not anyone else's -- not your mother's,
    your best friend's, or the President's.
    Your thing. Right now, and tomorrow too.

    Write first. Worry later. Or not at all.
For those of us who are too headstrong to learn from
human beings, lessons will duly arrive in the guise of
Situations, Dreams, and other Self-Generative Activities.

Antero Alli, in _Angel Tech_ (1st ed.)
    It's only the future.

    Don't forget to breathe.

    (And if you need to dream, try sleeping.)

    Thank you, Sondra Venable.
Do you remember
Standing on the shore,
Head in the clouds,
Your pockets filled with dreams
Bound for glory
On the seven seas of life,
But, the ocean is deeper than it seems

Baby, baby, baby, baby,
You'll find that you're the only one
Can sail your ship across the sky

Whitesnake
netpositive: (Default)
Exhilaration is that feeling you get just
after a great idea hits you and just before
you realize what's wrong with it.

-Anonymous
    Recently I asked for any recommendations of good works
    in two specific genres: U.S. Civil War fiction and
    alternate histories. (That's the short form of it.)

    Lest you think I am not open-minded or omnivorous
    even when I'm immersed in my own ongoing insanity,
    here's what comes home with me when I have .5 hours
    in the local library.

    _Voices of the Civil War: The Peninsula_ - Time-Life Books.
    _Daily Life in Civil War America_ - Volo and Volo.

    Think you see a theme there? Guess again!

    _Murder at Manassas_ - Kilian

    Not only historical USCW fiction, but a mystery!

    _Modesty Blaise: the Night of Morningstar_ - O'Donnell

    Wait, where did that come from [a "people are reading"
    display. Have earlier books in series and love them.]

    _This Business of Urban Music_ - Walker

    Left field? One of my favorite books last year was a
    terrific handbook on concert touring and promotion.

    _Green Inc.: an environment insider reveals how a
    good cause has gone bad_ - Macdonald

    More inside information on an industry I'm curious
    out. I'm more fanatical than many of my friends but
    not as rabid as some. Willing to listen but keeping
    an open mind (and still believing that doing things
    to save the world may help oneself before all else).

    _The Animal Dialogues: uncommon encounters in the
    wild_ - Childs

    Right off the new books shelf. Don't listen to public
    radio so have never heard of this nature essayist, but
    anything that mentions "the North American cheetah"
    on the back of the book has a good chance with me. ;)

    _The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse_ -
    Rankin

    Paperback so I can read while standing up on subway.
    Great title. A serial killer in a toy town? Try it.

    _Adventure Guide to the Virgin Islands_

    Under negotiation. Warmth in Jan. or Feb.? Maybe...

    _Night Child_ - Jes Bartis

    Occult forensics in Vancouver. [Technically, this
    isn't from *this* library, but 2/3rds in has become
    unexpectedly good writing so deserves a mention.]
I have no desire to prove anything by dancing.
I have never used it as an outlet or a means of
expressing myself. I just dance. I just put my feet
in the air and move them around.

-Fred Astaire
netpositive: (bloodylane)
It takes a great deal of history to produce
a little literature.

-Henry James
    Seanan McGuire has an interesting essay on
    Know Your Territory: that one needs to be
    somewhat familiar with the genre one is writing in.

    Sadly, this applies hard to me: I am creatively stranded
    in unfamiliar territory. I read a wide variety of stuff --
    not just "speculative fiction" -- BUT I am not familiar
    at all with the subgenre of alternative history. My soul
    is firmly rooted in heroic fantasy, dammit! Nonetheless,
    somehow I got this idea that wouldn't go away....

    I agree with her in principle and I am trying to do this,
    but it has some problems. The most irritating thing about
    working on this alternate history idea has been not doing
    the historical research (or even doing the writing itself,
    though it's early yet) -- it's been doing just this kind
    of "market research" on other books "in the genre".

    It's been like adding 50% again on top of all the other
    work one is doing to unearth and ground one's writing
    PLUS having to suffer through stuff that isn't good, or
    isn't right, or simply isn't "what I want to do with it".

    [Or rarely, it's so good one despairs, at least for a few
    minutes. Then one grits and grinds and gnashes one's
    competitive teeth together and gets on with it again.]

    Specifically in my situation, where does one draw the line?
    What is "alternative history"? _Guns of the South_, sure,
    but how about _Gone With The Wind_? Gingrich-Forstchen's
    _Gettysburg_ series looks to be popular, but it's almost a
    polar opposite of the kind of fiction I want to write. If
    that's what people really want, maybe I'm doomed. [Or is it
    just a matter of getting a vaguely-related celebrity name
    on the book cover? *rolls eyes* If it was a choice of "by
    Sarah Palin and..." or not being published, WWTDCD? :P ]

    So I agree with her -- and yet.... :) Maybe I need help.

    I turn to you, dear reader, for you are reading this and
    I blithely assume you may read other things as well.

    Have you ever read anything that you consider either:

    (a) a *good* work about the Civil War era? Emphasis here
    is on fictional works, but if you have a favorite auto/bio
    or nonfiction item, go ahead and rave about it. I may read
    those too -- someday. Major bonus points for anything that
    conveyed the flavor of the time without being ponderous, and
    the characters didn't seem too anachronistic (or saintly!).

    (b) a well-done alternative history piece? Doesn't have to be
    U.S. Civil War, but it would help if its backing history is not
    *too* obscure. 14th century Ojibwa culture may be Fascinating
    enough for Mr. Spock, but I lack time to immerse myself in it.

    I am aware of David Weber and Eric Flint, and Patrick O'Brien.
    Go ahead and explain what appeals to you in them! Bonus points
    if you can convince me to read them.

    Thanks in advance just for reading this. Also if you respond.
If you want writing time in your day, you have to
take it—no one will give it to you. Often, you can
only take it from your own alternate activities;
writers' lives tend to get rather stripped-down
for that reason.

-Lois McMaster Bujold
netpositive: (firehand)
Irrational idea for today:
people are fragile and should never be hurt.
    Some of the escalators are still broken.
    Half the window is blocked.
    No juice.

    Write down the facts.
    Write down your subjective self-talk.
    Describe your emotional response.
    Dispute and change irrational self-talk.
    Substitute alternative, rational self-talk.

    Notice your thoughts and feelings,
    acknowledge them non-judgementally,
    and let them go.

    Okay. I'm going dancing now.
Refuting the irrational idea:

This irrational belief results in failure
to openly communicate important feelings, and
in self-sacrifice that gives up what is
nourishing and pleasurable. Since everything
you need or want seems to hurt or deprive someone
else, you feel frustration, helplessness, and
depression. Relationships become full of dead
space where conflicts developed and nothing
was said.

from _The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook_
netpositive: (Default)
Just because it's not on a computer
doesn't mean it's not important.

-me
    The daffodils in the yard are drooping,
    waiting for some sun to renew their glow.

    I received a very meaningful compliment
    today, from someone who (I think) had no
    ulterior motive in giving one to me. The
    best compliments, I think, are those that
    recognize one not when one is trying, but
    just when one is being. So I am happy that
    an action which I felt was simply "natural"
    in myself, was noticed and appreciated as
    an attractive quality by another person.

    Even Superman wanted someone to appreciate
    him, y'know. Goes for Superwoman, too.

    I went to Total Beve^H^H^H^HWine tonight.
    It's a rather strange experience for me
    to go shopping for wine on my own. Among
    other things*, I've never quite understood
    wine descriptions, and certainly not ones
    that talk about "hints of tobacco and ash"
    as selling points for a vintage! My likings
    in wine have broadened some over time, but
    I still don't care for many of the standard
    varieties of grapes, so I can ignore immense
    aisles of "Cab This" and "Pinot That" and
    "Rose Zinfandel" on my way to a lonely corner
    housing Malbecs and other "Alternative Grapes".

    Anyway, we'll see if the wine I got is as good
    from the bottle as it was from someone else's
    glass.

Don't wait for death to solve your difficulties.
Do what you must while you are still alive.

Deng Ming-Dao, in _365 Tao_

* I have an odd spatial perception of how wine tastes, as if it were interacting with a Rubik's Cube of "spatastial" receptors in my mouth in addition to just receiving regular tastes. Wines I "like" are ones I perceive as distributing more evenly throughout all 27 possible sectors; wines I "dislike" tend to concentrate along 9 side(s). This doesn't happen with any other alcohol, beverages or food that I know of, and I don't generally have any other mixed perception akin to synesthesia. So it is an interesting experience for me, but confusing to try to explain to others...
netpositive: (Default)
It's hard to look up when the rain is falling.
-Mrumma proverbGod turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites, so that you
will have two wings to fly with, not one.

-Rumi
netpositive: (iconnerific)
My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.


images and text behind cut )
I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.
Whoever brought me here, will have to take me home.

-Rumi
netpositive: (firehand)
Be with those who help your being.
Don’t sit with indifferent people, whose breath
comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms, your work is deeper.

-Rumi

Looking up, at the sun, the moon, the clouds, the stars.
Looking forward, into the wind, the rain, and the darkness.
Looking out, for myself, and for others.
Looking around, just to see what I can see.

And looking at your eyes, hoping they see: me.

images and text behind cut )

Self-conscious, uncertain
I'm showered with the dust
The spirit enters into me,
And I submit to trust.

(Smash the radio
No outside voices here
Smash the watch
Cannot tear the day to shreds
Smash the camera
Cannot steal away the spirits
The rhythm is around me
The rhythm has control
The rhythm is inside me
The rhythm has my soul...)

-Peter Gabriel

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netpositive: (Default)
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