netpositive: (Default)

I realized then that I who thought I had complete control
of my life, had control of only three things: my thought, my mind –
the images that these thoughts created – and the action that derived
from it. So here I was wallowing in a vortex of emotions and depression
and what have you, with the enormity of the situation, wanting to go to
a place of healing, health and happiness. I wanted to go from where I was
to where I wanted to be, for which I needed something. I needed something
that would pull me out of all this. So I dried my tears, and I declared to
the world at large... I said, "X is only one page in my life, and I will not
allow this page to impact the rest of my life."

I also declared to the world at large that I would ride it out, and
I would not allow X to ride me. But to go from where I was to where I
wanted to be, I needed something. I needed an anchor, an image, a peg
to peg this process on, so that I could go from there. And I found that
in my dance, my dance, my strength, my energy, my passion, my very life breath.


-Ananda Shankar Jayant, TED video
    Feet? Check. Hands? Check. Brain? Check.

    Will the real me please stand up? Oh, there you are...

    I think. But I feel the Big Cat Blues.

Imagine a lion walking around affirming – I’m king of the jungle,
I’m king of the jungle. And yet this is exactly what people are doing
with positive affirmations most of the time. The lion’s very nature is
that it is a lion. Being king of the jungle is mostly an idea.

Fortunately lions are not as confused as human beings. Lions mostly
walk around being lions without suffering from being disconnected from
themselves and having a bunch of ideas about who or what they should be.

The most affirming experience we humans can have is to land in
our true nature. A moment of perceiving the real is more powerful
than a lifetime of words. Well intentioned, but misguided efforts
at positive affirmations would be better spent in learning how to
settle down and allow what is truly real in us arise into consciousness.

The world is abundant. Life is on our side. We are awesome and wonderful.
It’s the true state of affairs. If we can’t see it, then the more productive
course of action is to explore – why not. Trying to convince ourselves that
the sky is blue when, in fact, the sky is blue – is crazy behavior.

As the saying goes – the only way out is through. Explore the deficiencies,
the hidden beliefs. Open them up to the light of awareness. The truth will
set us free. The false dissolves. Only the real remains.


John, in Open Secrets
    Do you ride the lion, or does it ride you?

    I need more words, more music, more dance, my voice.

    I want to go to the end of my world -- my jungle.

    I would like to walk around being a lion, and
    not worrying about being king or not.

    I intend to stretch.
netpositive: (bloodylane)
Have you heard of "conjugating adjectives" in English?

I'm thrifty; you're frugal; he's cheap.
I'm assertive; you're aggressive; she's pushy.


This postholder is possibly about declining nouns.

One person's rescue is another person's escape.
Someone's dream job may be someone else's nightmare.


Sometimes, you do the right thing -- and it doesn't work.
From a particular reference point, looking up may only mean
straight ahead, but it's still a change in point of view.

Trying to reframe this... but it's not easy.

Don't take it personally. Try giving it away instead.

Just another poor boy off to fight a rich man's war

I dreamed last night. Then I woke up and remembered it.

Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a pattern you can walk.
But first you have to find your feet. Then you have to move.
netpositive: (frenchy)
A conversation at dinner last night
reminded me to write things down
when I'm thinking of them.
Or of you.

This will go through revisions,
hopefully many.
But for now it's a starting point.


    I see you.

    In every flower that blooms --
    tree that leaves --
    bee that buzzes --
    wasp that stings.

    I see you in the ice on frozen driveways,
    and the water flowing in Winters Run,
    and the steam rising from cow manure
    dropped in a cold Jarrettsville dawn.

    In pine trees, and weeping willows, and crabapples.

    I hear you in the chatter of chickens and
    the chewing of cows, in political discourse
    and private confessions, and in everyone's
    laughter.

    I hear you in groups, in tete-a-tetes, and
    in silence.

    You are there every time I darn a sock, or
    change my oil, or go to work, or do my taxes,
    or come home, or listen to music, or read a book.
    Right there -- and generally adding your opinion!
    (We don't always agree, but it always has value.)

    I touch you in flannel and in velvet,
    in rusted steel and the fur of animals,
    in fuzzy sweaters and cotton/polyester,
    in the rocks of the field
    and the bones of my hands.

    I taste you in overcooked roast beef
    and fresh asparagus, in white rice
    and red spices -- cinnamon, paprika,
    and catsup.

    I smell you in fresh-cut wood
    and in turpentine, in new-mown grass
    and in bales of straw, in summer's air
    and autumn's fall.

    (Oh, can't forget lemon-scented Pledge.
    Otherwise, I hate lemon -- just about
    as much as you seem to love it.)

    And best of all, in all my senses,
    I can perceive you in others'
    hearts and minds.

    Whatever you eventually reincarnate as, be it
    Buddha or beetle, I know one thing for sure.

    Your spirit, is gonna cause some mischief.


To poets everywhere, even ones I don't like.
And for the one I love above all others.
netpositive: (Default)
    I dreamed last night that I felt fine,
    but that some doctor was convinced I needed
    an immediate operation to remove something
    dangerous.

    But I could never get an answer from him, or
    any of the hospital staff what, exactly, was
    the problem.

    Despite going back into the dream -- twice! --
    to try and get an answer from them. Or anyone.

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a left turn at Albuquerque.

    Still, I think maybe I know what it means.

    The answers lie in me and no one else.

    More later, I think. Cleaning, sorting, changing
    and throwing out are all short-term items on the
    long-term plan.
netpositive: (Default)
Poor little dreamer
Stand inside the door
You can't find the easy rhymes
Of times you had before--

-Heart, "Cry to Me"

Danced with the right people last night
at contra, even the ones I didn't know.
The ones I did? Thank you -- bless you.
    I dreamed last night I was the last
    passenger on a jet plane with 16 cabins
    which varied wildly in accommodation.

    Fourteen passengers were already on board.
    split evenly between friends and allies
    and so there were only two cabins left
    for me to choose from.

    One was the smallest, just a white closet.

    The other was the largest, with controls,
    monitors, and a VHS deck containing a tape
    labeled "Safety Procedures for This Flight".

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a hard slap in the face.

The glass is empty and the wine
Is bitter on your tongue
People don't seen wild and fine
Like when you were young--


In other news, I forgot how warm snowboard socks are.
But how I hate cold and dark months ending in -ember?
That part, full well I remember.

But I also remembered to take my vitamins this morning.

Dancing encourages hyperventilation, increases the
production of adrenaline, and causes a sharp decrease in
levels of blood glucose. These physiological responses
stimulate the brain to release endorphins...

-Barbara Tedlock, _The Woman in the Shaman's Body_
netpositive: (Default)
    I dreamed last night that my first solo flight
    in a helicopter was to a town in North Carolina.
    Three important people were my passengers.

    From there, I found I needed a (new?) map
    to go on.

    Ah, sometimes Tir'na Na Nog'th is a subconscious.
    And sometimes, just a mirror.
netpositive: (Default)
You may or may not know that I work in user experience.

This was my off half hour this morning.
This morning, I usability tested myself,
among several other things...


  1. Get on bus [normally 10-15 minute ride].
  2. How about a quick email check on mobile phone?
    [Motorola CLIQ:Android, 2 weeks and still shiny]
  3. Open [in GMail] a promotional email from a
    certain major book/etc. retailer touting their eReader!
  4. Specifically touting "Got a BN eReader? Get a Free Coffee!"
  5. Don't drink coffee, but do like the idea of a BN eReader.
    Am trying out 2 different ebook apps already, sure, add a third...
  6. Text in email that says "Download eReader" is bold and
    differently colored. Try clicking that to download. Success?
  7. Fail. Does not download eReader(or do anything else).
  8. Irritated and pressed for time, so missed seeing smaller
    link farther down page -- after some more promo text -- which says
    "Download it now". It? What's an 'it'? I'm skimming for 'eReader'.
    Fail.
  9. Also ignore link at top saying "Hurry! Offer Ends July 15.
    Coffee's On the House - When You Show the eBook You're Reading*"
    not expecting it to do anything other than blather on more about
    the promotion, how wonderful coffee is, how wonderful ebooks are,
    etc. Because I don't care about the coffee, dammit, and I'm not
    reading an eBook yet because I don't have your eReader yet. Fail.
  10. Use a link in email to go to major book/etc. retailer
    website home page.
  11. Search for 'eReader'.
  12. Search results don't bring up eReader in 4 results,
    but do have link to "Download eReader" in footer. Success?
  13. Fail. Link says "page not found".
  14. To add insult to injury, it suggests I use search.
  15. Impatient [bus has turned onto Columbia Pike] I go to
    Google and search 'barnes noble ereader'. [I used to be a
    librarian, kids, don't try this at home.] Link to [correct]
    page shows up 2nd or 3rd.
  16. Go [back] to BN via Google. Find "Download eReader."
    Success?
  17. Fail. Link wants to send me to iTunes to download. WTF?
    If I wanted iTunes on my smartdevice I woulda bought an iPhone.
  18. [Whole rant re: years of me vs. iTunes deleted for time.]
  19. Bus is now on Hayes St. I have about 3 more minutes of
    Internet connection before going into heavy shielding [aka the
    DC Metro]. Back to Google and search just 'eReader'... looking
    for reviews, maybe, to see if this thing is even worth my time.
  20. See a result for ereader.com. Ooh! Go there. Success?
  21. Maybe! Top banner even says "a Barnes & Noble Company"
    and in left nav there is a top link for "FREE eReader Software
    ▪ Download Now!" Click on that.
  22. Ooh! Nice listing of phones and Android is right there!
    Click on "Android", hoping it doesn't route me back to iTunes...
  23. Adds "eReader for Android" choices at bottom. Extra step,
    but I sure feel I'm on the right path now... click on that as
    bus turns into Pentagon.
  24. Android applications manager tells me I'm default set
    NOT to install apps that are NOT from the official Android store.
    Oops. I know how to fix that, though. Quick detour through Settings
    and I'm downloading and installing eReader.
  25. Launch eReader. Hmm, no obvious BN branding? Sure hope
    I have the right app... can't worry about that for the next 5
    minutes as I transfer modes of transportation and lose Internet.
  26. Temporary reconnection as subway crosses above river.
    List of ebooks available. Choice for Categories or "View ebooks
    by Author". [I used to be a *cataloging* librarian, kids, so I
    know how erratic categorizing fiction can be.] Authors! Ooh!
  27. Nooooo! Search and browse design unthinking! Gives me
    a list for 'A' authors, with choices at top for the other letters
    of the alphabet. However, it also alphabetizes the middle initial
    A. as the start of a last name.
  28. And, it displays results as 'first name last name'.
  29. And, should you scroll down to 'Mariano Azuela ' at
    bottom of 'A' list, no way to get to 'B' list without scrolling
    back up to top of page, which is a royal pain on mobile devices
    where the screen is long and thin.
  30. Back underground and on to work, via a maze of twisty
    corridors that all look alike...


Some people debate the 'validity' of usability testing because
it's generally set up to do specific scenarios in a limited
time session with supposedly artificial testing stress added.

I'm now wondering if my usability tests are too nice...
netpositive: (Default)
See also the previous post like this.

Today is a day where I am being driven crazy
by abundant boredom and a lack of opportunity.

So tell me something else I may not know...
how would _you_ complete this sentence?
(about yourself)

"I need a ____ that won't drive me crazy."

Comments screened to protect the innocent,
the guilty, and the shy from the shameless.
netpositive: (Default)
Today was a day when I was glad I had
lots of Blue Oyster Cult on the iPod.

So. Tell me something I may not know...
how would _you_ complete this sentence?
(about yourself)

"I'm ___________ and I like it."

Comments screened to protect the innocent,
the guilty, and the shy from the shameless.
netpositive: (firehand)
A touch of cool rain
On the back of a bare neck
Trickles down the spine
netpositive: (Default)
... I guess I'll have to show more skin
in the next one. The public's demandin' it.
Y'know, when they ask for meat
you can't give 'em vegetables.

-Ruby Carter, _It Ain't No Sin_
    If you did something for me?
    Thank you. I appreciate it.

    If I did something for you?
    You're welcome. My pleasure.

    And if we didn't do anything?
    It's okay. Try again tomorrow.

    I feel my connection to the divine.
    I'm grateful for the light and heat.
    But a rainstorm would be lovely too.
Kiss me & don't forget
What you see is what you get

Oysterband, "Blood Wedding"
netpositive: (Default)
Run while you can. And dance really loud.

So now I know what it would sound like
if Depeche Mode tried to hold a concert
during a German ping-pong tournament.
cut for Em Licht lyrics, original and translated )
netpositive: (Default)
3 is not the same as double.
Adjust your expectations.
Make lemon juice tart.

Friday - contra dancing and Antero Alli.
Saturday - classical musicians and Django Reinhardt.
Sunday - bookcases and hellburgers.
Monday - pizza and intravenous fluids.
Tuesday - sinuses and video archiving.
Wednesday - "That's different. I'm trustworthy."
Thursday - "Listen, I'm not kidding. This is my job!"

Need to step it up a bit?
Ten things a day.
Per room.

You, make me a better person.
You, make me a bigger person.
You, make me a thoughtful person.
You, make me think.

Still need that blue sky, though.
netpositive: (Default)
Been feeling a lot more like myself lately.

A lot of me. And then some.

Kinda nice.

Meat and salt, and juice for me.

A pair of roller skates, and a brand new key.
Perhaps I have the universe. Or maybe it has me.
netpositive: (Default)
Switch off the mind and let the heart decide
who you were meant to be
Flick to remote and let the body glide,
there is no enemy
Etch out a future of your own design,
well tailored to your needs
Then fan the flame and keep the dream alive
of a continent, a continent, a continent, a continent...

-Thomas Dolby
    If I were a believer in omens, this morning I
    missed the bus *and* the elevator to work is broken.

    And then, the cursor on my laptop froze in place.

    And I'm thirsty. Still so thirsty.

If you have not yet succeeded on an inward journey,
be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. Gently let
yourself go deeper. Whatever experience comes to you,
let it take you over. Welcome it. Relish it.

Goursana
netpositive: (Default)
Hear her laughing in earthquake land...
    Sometimes the 60GB iPod acts more like an
    audible tarot deck than a soundtrack to life.
    This morning's zodiac clockwork orange spread:

    Blue Oyster Cult - "Real World"
    Loretta Lynn - "Mrs. Leroy Brown"
    Donna Summer - "I Remember Yesterday"
    The Joker's Wild - "Crazy Lady"
    Sue Foley - "Let My Tears Fall Down"
    Scorpions - "Nightmare Avenue"
    Joe Jackson - "Rant and Rave"
    Blue Oyster Cult - "Hot Rails to Hell"
    Bizarre Inc. - "Playing with Knives"
    Stephen Halpern - "Trance-ZENDANCE"
    Marillon - "Alone Again in the Lap of Luxury"
    Lambert, Hendricks & Ross - "Halloween Spooks"

    and the hidden baker's dozen song was...?
    Lee Press-On and the Nails - "Jumpin' Jive"

    Other people make decisions without me.
    Why can't I?

    Unless maybe the decision doesn't matter.

We're drifting in the waiting room
Call it real, but call me real soon

    Dear Tir'na Na Nogth,
    Did I really need dreams invading my waking hours?

    Well, yeah, maybe I do.

    But next time, just drive-by with a bunch of Swords.
    Faster, more elegant, -- and I do like to recycle.

    Forever yours in Amber,
    Conscious

Yes, so many geniuses that have been labeled as
weird, crazy, and you know what. But, at the end of
the day, such geniuses prevailed and look what their
great work or baby projects have been giving us--
comforts, enjoyment, and the like.

-Making A Difference Amidst Indifference
- 4 Survival Affirmations to Take to Heart
netpositive: (frenchy)
The Affirmation section is where you'll learn to
change the words you use inside, in order to gain
more confidence and admiration on the outside!

-leanrteen.com
    Seems like I'm most impressive at a (safe) distance.

    The farther away you are, the more interesting I am.

    Maybe I should move very far away from anyone else.

I am a valuable human being.

An opportunity is simply a possibility until I act on it.

-secretchanges.com
netpositive: (bluebells)
So in between the B/W Parkway and West Park Drive,
there's this moment in time and space:


Empty space in your head next day
Memories have come and they have gone
Open your eyes can't get back to sleep
Though it's the earliest crack of dawn
There's a nagging something
You can't quite put your finger on...

-Tracy McDonnell
    Do I feel better because I take the vitamins,
    or do I take the vitamins because I feel better?
    Or maybe the vitamins take me.
    Whatever. Just take the vitamins.

    Easy games can provide a sense of accomplishment.
    It may seem like a "false" sense because the game
    is not "real". But you, and your play, are as real as.

    Try asking for what you want. It's hard to hear nos,
    but at least you're speaking for yourself when you do.

    More honey than vinegar. But vinegar can bring the tart.

    Let's face the music -- and dance.

If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together
to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather
teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
netpositive: (Default)
There's a message in the wind that blows...
-Cher

I struggle with change and I grow very slowly.

But I will grow past this.

Please connect me with the divine. Please.
I know it's out there. There's a world out there.

Please connect me now.
netpositive: (firehand)
The most beautiful thing we can experience is
the mysterious. It is the source of all true art
and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger,
who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

-Albert Einstein

While gaining physical and then psychological self-confidence over time,
I seem to have lost emotional self-confidence along the way.

Sometimes learned behavior still doesn't help.

Please connect me with something.

In and out quick, a cowboy.
-a character in the Illuminatus! trilogy

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